Thursday, March 1, 2018

Live…for all the things you would die for !

Lets talk about life. Yes, something as simple yet as deep as the term ‘life’. Not the kind of conversations that feel superficial and shallow, but the kind which will make you feel a little less lonely, heard and understood. Sudden changes in the usual, unexpected losses and untimely deaths always bring along with them a whole set of revelations and realizations.

There are these sinking moments…moments of fear, uncertainty and self pity which follows. Those dreadful moments, which suck you into the depths of some strange dark corners that you possibly didn’t know existed. You possibly feel like being swept off the ground by this quicksand effect, which totally shakes you up, and you feel your world crumbling down all around you. Ever felt this despair and helplessness of not knowing where, why, when and how?!

Then there are also these incredible moments of realizations about what actually matters and what ought to matter in the long run. Those stubborn moments of self-assurance and clarity we seek beyond the blurry horizons. Yes, that is the kind of emotions we are talking about. The demons which we fight every day and refuse to give in holding on to that one single thread of hope. That kind of magnificent strength that makes you a living, breathing, real example accepting and embracing life with all its surprises, jolts and reality checks every now and then.

Us humans, we always long for that something in our lives to fill the emptiness in our soul created by that aww so overwhelming unacknowledged loneliness. It could be a person, a thing, or just something that we do, to keep ourselves moving ahead despite of all the odds. I have learned that the little secret is to accept the fact that sometimes its not about figuring it all out at once, but to live through each day gracefully and repeat it every single day until you find that stability. True that sometimes its no mountain we conquer but ourselves. I have also started to believe that it is really important for us to accept the fact that every one else has a life beyond their understanding of our suffering and pain that we have to sometimes find solace, peace and answers within ourselves.So tread lightly on those difficult roads and don't be too harsh on yourself. Yes, the world might try to break you down, but wear your truth like your shield... and tread lightly!

Just few days back, I lost a dear friend to cardiac arrest and quite a few people to reality! Losses no matter in what form, create a void that only can be filled with hope, patience and a whole lot of love. There are these days when you miss that feeling of being held. If you ask me, the safest I have always felt is inside a hug. Hugs make you feel so safe, protected and taken care of. Something as simple as a hug can breathe life into a person I have known when I hugged my darling friend who eventually lost her fight to cancer.

There are few songs that kept me company through my dark days and nights. Music indeed holds the power within to heal all kinds of wounds and make you whole again. This also has been the phase where the mother in me has been suffocated beyond measure with the distance that has come in between the little piece of my soul and myself. Music has always been that loyal companion with me throughout this journey as my no judgment zone and rock of a constant. Music helps when your soul has aching voids and scars on it because we rubbed ourselves against certain experiences and people. It helped me find my light yet again. I really do hope, it will help you too no matter what you are enduring right now!

There was indeed never a night so dark or a heartache so deep that could defeat the miracle of another sunrise or a ray of hope! Here is borrowing Jidnya Pandya’s soulful ‘One less lonely night’ to wrap up my thoughts. “ Just wait back a little longer! The night is almost over; come, lets watch the sunrise together!”

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Reflections !!!

“You don’t need anyone else to save you. You already have yourself for that” this is indeed that one line which has always pushed me back to doing all what I once thought was impossible. The fact is, we never realize the strings that tie us down until our very roots are affected. Quite often, we are so used to the ordinary, the usual, the routine and the expected, that we tend to find comfort in them and we never dare to step out of that zone to explore the unknown, to rediscover yourself and to truly unveil what you yourself are capable of.

Just a day back I woke up to this strange haunting dream, which kept me thinking. Just when I have always thought finally I have learned to live, life has changed in the instant. It has only been few days since I lost someone extremely dear to the inevitable. Someone who was to stay for long….someone who was by all means deserving to be around for a very long while.. but who could not make it. It is only when we experience sudden losses and sudden changes in the ordinary, that we actually tend to sit back… breathe and look into things that really matter. The dream had me watch helplessly when people who were still alive and breathing were getting buried. I was frantically trying to make the ones around understand there is still life.. there is still hope.. all in vein.  Waking up to that feeling of helplessness was not really the best way to start a day with…but I could so get the reasons and thought processes, which led me to having such a dream. In that space between dream and reality, I did find myself all over again!

Quite often we are all so preoccupied in this race, that race which we don’t even know or realize whether we want to be a part of ; until one day we are left with no time or no tomorrows. We are always pushed in different directions by hundreds of conflicting impulses. I remember how when this year started my soul sister and I made this promise to each other. To give ourselves the love... the time… the space .. and the freedom that we truly deserve. That rare resolution which we made to ourselves .. to spend at least an hour every week away from everything and everyone.. just you and your thoughts… detached , has helped in ways big and small to rearrange the misplaced pieces and put them back just the way it should be .

‘Tamasha’ is one movie whose message resonated so well with me. This morning again, I happened to see the movie while randomly browsing channels and I decided to get back to this space without keeping it for another day. That moment when we realize that the ‘some day’ which we all keep talking about, is indeed ‘today’. ‘Tu koi aur he’ soulfully depicts the chaos..the identity crisis.. the life of denial.. the masked reality.. each one of us can  very well relate to.

Just like someone wise once jotted down ““Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” It is so true that we have to sometimes create and not just accept our destiny. Do not just exist through each day, because all moments we just fritter away are moments, which we will never get back. Whether those are moments with ourselves or with the ones who truly matter! So let me ask you this! What would you have done differently if you really appreciate the one priceless gift life is and if you really see the imminence of the inevitable?! Go for it today!

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them. The longest journey indeed is the journey inward”

PS : This post goes out to my positivity fairy, my rock , my brutally honest reflection, my Vaavamani !

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Strangers with memories !!!!!

“One more time we are strangers, but this time with memories.” This line that I came across of late got me thinking. It has been so long since I have visited this space. Sometimes it so happens that silence takes over and words no longer make sense to you. We all go through such phases of hibernation when you are totally withdrawn into your confined space where no one has access!

It is really something to think about how we make people who used to mean everything into a thing of times gone by. How we should learn to unlearn. How we can force ourselves to forget and what can we put in their place to fill up the void? The emotional journey your soul undergoes after every farewell teaches you more about yourself than the relationship did.. makes you realise what someone or something meant to you and how much you would want to go back to relive those memories with them around you, a piece of home you have never known before they came along!

Life has always taught me that when our very existence revolves around someone, it just does not stop even though what is left in their place is only the thought of someone who existed, who just left and never looked back! The person who knew your every day struggles …things which made you break down… and what made you smile… the person who saw the world and the people in it through your eyes and who knew how to bring you back to life and make you fall in love with it all over again… that person is no longer there. Happened to read this recently that one of the hardest things to do in life is to grieve the loss of someone who is still alive. True that ‘'there are memories that time does not erase... Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable!’'

Farewells of all kinds always carries within their souls so much heartaches..! Family.. friends.. partners.. irrespective of who left… the void remains and you never really stop knowing them in that way like how they once were. We all find ourselves standing in those unknown fields so lost that we cannot find our way back. Those memories that are revolving around the places you went ..the things said unsaid..the songs you listened ..the dreams shared.. remain! True that “It is not really letting go off the past that is the problem. It is coming into terms with letting go off a future that will never be.”

Quite often you are left knowing a lot more about love and what it can do, and the pain the void in your heart, or emptiness in the opposite chair can bring to you. We never really get to know whether the void will be filled by the person who made it.. or will someone else can match up to that and help you heal?! I have always been of the belief that you either love someone, in someway which is uniquely yours forever, or you never really have loved.

These amazing tracks soulfully depict these emotions of different kinds! ‘Laal Ishq’ from RamLeela, ‘Judaai’ from Badlapur and ‘Oh Rangrez’  from  Bhaag Milkha Bhaag are just amazingly awesome compositions that make you experience a wide sea of emotions each time you listen to them. The sinking into an unknown space act, which only music can do that to you!

We all start as strangers. It’s incredible how with time, we realise that the storms within you calm down eventually, but we see the stars and the skies and dreams differently now and we can’t really choose whose farewell does that to us! Like Coelho says, “Because we managed to keep our heart open despite the pain… because the person who left did not take the sun with them or leave darkness in their place. They simply left!” Yes, we all start as strangers, but with every farewell comes a hidden hope and we become strangers of some sort again, but this time with memories!

“In your light I learn how to love” Rumi