Life…death…dreams…love…or the lack of it!!!!!

Title inspired from my favourite author Paulo Coelho’s ‘Adultery’, this post was so unexpected , so sudden and so long pending. I have always hated waiting... waiting for the right time…waiting for the right things …waiting for the right people and so on. We all wait… rather than stepping up and doing something about it...we all tend to wait. “The trouble is we think we have time.” This simple line Sri Buddha said has to be the most sensible thing I have heard in a long while. I haven’t visited this space in ages.. I kept pushing it for another day…always felt I can do it any time I want.. a better day..a better song..a better mood… but today..I decided to just write!

"Life changes fast… life changes in the instant...” Joan Didion’s words are simple yet intense...straight forward yet magically poetic and they can’t be truer. There are things that happen that change your views and perceptions about things and people. True that the most priceless things in this world are not ‘things’.I believe it’s very important to take a break….stop doing things that we do every day…and do something off the routine to surprise and delight ourselves. I have been staying away from the usual for some time now, and I spent this time catching up on some amazing movies I have missed watching in time. It was in fact  a catching up with myself  too… and two of them in particular did that rare thing of touching my soul.

‘Highway’ that gave a break to the actor in Alia Bhatt and the Malayalam movie ‘Varsham’ which made me believe once again in the treasure of a talent Sree Mammotty is. When highway talks about the unusual serene bond between Veera and Mahabir and how one journey turns out to be life changing for Veera, ‘Varsham’ portrays the relationship between a couple and their son and how they turn the biggest tragedy of their life into a tale of hope and life to many.

Life by all means looks like a story when we look behind. We deal with the most unexpected situations and people and they change the way we perceive life itself. Our losses, whatever they are…leave us deserted and shattered. When Veera had to face the agony of an abused childhood bringing her up and how she turns out Mahabir’s absence from life into something unbelievably fulfilling, Venugopal of ‘Varsham’ struggles to cop up with the sudden demise of his only son. It amazed me to see how beautifully these characters managed to rise from the ashes for a purpose much greater and much worthwhile.

We lose people to the inevitable… we lose them to reality…sometimes we just lose the person we believed someone was… the truth is …we simply lose! Reality is that thing which doesn't go away, when we stop believing in it. It is up to us how we want to deal with the loss. True that in the space between a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, there is a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are. Our time is really limited. Let’s not waste it living someone else’s life. This is our one chance to be us. Let’s not be trapped by the dogma, which is living with the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the voice of other people’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. So very true! Let’s wake up and be fully alive to life!

Here’s sharing two soulful tracks that convey the depth and intensity of the bond between the people in those two brilliant movies.‘Sooha Saha’ from Highway and ‘Kari mukilukal’ from Varsham. Let the songs speak for themselves!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzUmTp6apx8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFdWJiXy2CM

"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps you moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."

PS: This post goes out for the ones who have always chosen to 'stay' despite all the odds.. all the flaws.. all the distance . 

…Of self discovery.. self realization and some…!!!!!

“At the bottom of her heart, however, she was waiting for something to happen. Like shipwrecked sailors, she turned despairing eyes upon the solitude of her life, seeking afar off some white sail in the mists of the horizon. She did not know what this chance would be, what wind would bring it her, towards what shore it would drive her, if it would be a shallop or a three-decker, laden with anguish or full of bliss to the portholes. But each morning, as she awoke, she hoped it would come that day; she listened to every sound, sprang up with a start, wondered that it did not come; then at sunset, always more saddened, she longed for the morrow.”

― Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

It has been a long phase of hibernation … a long break from giving words to thoughts.. a real long break where I kept myself away from something that always made me feel liberated..made me experience freedom.. and all such beautiful emotions.. somewhere in the monotony of a quiet life…I left a part of my soul behind..until today when I realized… I need to be… I need to get back.. not because I always created some magic through my scribbling here… not because it changed anything or anyone… but just because of the fact that… this space was always there… unchanged.. and that was indeed something!

All this while.. there was this emptiness.. this void.. that filled up mind .. and as hours slipped by and as I was spending more time with myself than ever before.. came this phase of self discovery and understanding of who I was.. have been… and who I want to be. The beginning para which is an extract from Gustave Flaubert’s much appreciated book ‘Madame Bovary’ kind of shook me up and awakened my soul. And yes here I am.. back to what I love doing the most…

There have been a handful of songs that have been on mind ever since I visited this space last.. there were umpteen drafts that were written and never saw light.. but this one song from the Malayalam movie ‘Kalimannu’ is that one track on mind right now.. one song that beautifully depicts the self discovery phase of a woman’s life. I have enjoyed every bit of the movie.. and the kind of strength and conviction a woman had to bear the child of her husband who was never to return to life..moved me beyond words.  How she found that one ray of hope amidst the ashes and how when no new sun rose in the horizon she brought her own sunshine …

To be the woman you are.. all what you have been.. and to be able to accept it as a whole.. never be ashamed of her desires..her dreams and her weaknesses..and her magical illusions.. to love life beyond and after ..and experience the fullness and meaning of womanhood.. the most beautiful part of being a woman.. bringing a life to this world.. that’s what ‘Meera’ taught me .. ‘ Kalimannu’ indeed is a celebration of motherhood … a bliss greater than any happiness.

‘ Salabham aayi’ is much more than a song.. it is indeed the journey of a woman’s life summed up in a soulful and amazing way. O N V Kurup Sir’s magic is visible in each word and this song is one track which created a lot of respect in me for the music composer that is Sri M. Jayachandran. Shreya is by all means God’s chosen one. Music is there in her very existence.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgHHkiXu8vI

It happens so often in life we reach this phase of self discovery..of self realization and understanding of our purpose much more than ever before. When we muster the courage to stand up for what we feel is right.. and when we learn to lean upon self! I have always felt that love is the strongest of all emotions and the weakest of all too at times. We indeed lose ourselves in the things we love.. but we find ourselves there too. It can’t be more true. Even when the coldness of the night begins to engulf your soul and even when the flames have died down..  love has this thing in its soul, this fiery glow that leads us to unfamiliar lands.. of new dreams and of an unfamiliar existence.. scary and desirable at the same time..and not the smothering routine of an ordinary existence. The song unbelievably captures the very soul of the movie and conveys the purest form of passion and companionship.. and  manages to uplift my soul each time I listen to this..

I wish this strength for all the amazing souls who have changed life through ways big and small.. who have always believed and stood by .. who never listened to judge.. never listened to reply.. but to understand! No matter how hard the wind blows at times.. a clear day’s warmth will always bring you back to life! True that if one always looked at the skies, one would end up having wings. Flaubert, I have never been more convinced than this.


'' When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. they wanted her to change back into what she had always been. But she had wings!''

PS: This post goes out for the ones who convinced me that I still have words left in me.. to share with the world. You all are magic in my life!

Old wine, but a much more perfect bottle!!

No intentions to confuse with that ‘off the track’ title… am just talking about the new version of ‘Khamaj’ by Shafqat I happened to hear recently.. was breathing ‘Fuzon’ all this while ever since I heard them first.. my kid bro.. ‘Vaava’ sent me this link recently saying “I know its your fav and I knew you would love this. My wedding gift for u…” I loved the new version then and there…just hopelessly fell in love with the song and my life all over again… and am feeling fab.. (Thanks a zillion vaave…you are the best brother anyone can ever have.. thanks for being there through ways big and small..stay blessed )



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jLoPvdYV4E&feature

‘Mora Saiyyan’ is an unbelievably soul stirring fab composition and Shafqat is a divine talent.. I so wish once before I get done with my time here.. once to hear him live.. I deeply miss him being a part of ‘Fuzon’ but yes change is the only thing that is constant as they say. But as we go on with the change… we still perceive the same old things differently.. the same old magnifying lens that views other people’s perspectives.. the very soulful song minus the equally intense BGM..this was such a fantabulous surprise…could not help but write about it… it was just too good to be taken lightly : ) It is true that ‘Music and silence combine so well.. coz music is done with silence and silence is so full of music..’

I am in love with this brand new version..this new version of love.. this new version of life..this new version that amazingly depicts the pain of longing.. Sometimes it is good to fit yourself into the much needed ‘you’ as I have always felt ‘ I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but I almost always end up where I need to be.. ”But at the end of it all I too have realized that “Now I know exactly where I am going and I just don’t want to go anywhere else.” this certainty of life is something everyone long for.. once you attain that you get to understand the trivialities of many other things which you once felt were the end of the world.. nothing in life happens by chance.. you reach where you are meant to be.. and again..it will all be worth the wait : )

Music gives you that high at times.. When we long for a million things.. long to be with someone..long to make our dreams real.. long to love..live..and be content.. this one song for sure will take you places..pull you out of the insensitivities of the ‘practical’ world and make you dive deep into the sea of emotions.. that is ‘Khamaj’ for you.. stunningly brilliant…soothing and soul stirring as ever.. Life emerges yet again..how much ever frozen your soul might get at times :)

"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence.. and I learn, whatever state I may be in, there in to be content.."