The truth about forever!!!!!

I have always pondered about the intensity and the reality of the word ‘forever’. Each

time…with each person.. in all kinds of relationships.. the meaning of forever kept changing. Remember reading these lines in the book ‘The truth about forever” and I owe the title of this post to that book and that author who penned something so beautifully. “ Forever was so many different things. It was always changing. It was what everything was really about. It was twenty minutes or one hundred years or just this instant or any instant I wished would last and last.”

If you ask me, it’s all in the way we perceive things. Our forever might end in an hour.. in a day .. in a month or few years from now and its not just about happily ever afters. The fact is we don’t know for sure, so make every second count. Forever by all means for me is what is happening right now!

This post has been long over due. Sometimes it’s like that. You run of words. You get drained out of everything you once believed u had. It’s in between all the chaos that I happened to watch this amazingly thought provoking movie ‘Thamasha’ and it totally changed the very way I look at certain things.

Quite often it so happens that we exist being someone we are not from within. Just for the sake of the world and the people in it. I remember reading this somewhere- “ the statement ‘what will other people think?’ has killed more dreams than anything else in this world.” Can’t be truer! I have always felt the best days in life are those where you cannot remember the date space or time but the ones where you can experience what you felt when it happened. That feeling of happiness, contentment you hadn’t felt in a while. And above all the love...pure…. unconditional love! You remember feeling all this love. This all-consuming adoration you had once.

We all go back to such spaces a lot, going back in space and time. We see moments, flashing and fleeting, and faces of people we have once loved, now love and will always love. The movie reminded me of the best 48 days I have had till date. . 48 days of sunshine! 48 days which changed my very existence. 48 days of feeling alive. 48 blissful days of 'forever'! There are no photos, videos or digitized tokens from those days.  You can’t really go back to it with a simple glance of a photo or link to a video, which you wish you were a part of. They are priceless memories that weren’t published or clicked on. Recently I read this article, which talked about people missing out on living each moment because they are so busy documenting it. ‘That 500 million times people stopped having an experience to document one. That 500 million times throughout the day that we took ourselves out of the moment and refused to live in it.  Those 500 million pictures of experiences we’re not really having. That’s why those moments we’re not recalling through a photograph or scrolling past on Facebook are the ones we remember the best.’ Can’t agree more!

True that the best memories we hold are the ones that will stay with us for the rest of our lives and relieve us in our darkest moments are not ones we can recall through a photograph or relive through a video. Sometimes it so happens that some people you encounter even for a brief while influence you so much and change your life for good. They make you realize and remember who you truly were before this world told you who you should be!

These two songs from the movie made such a deep impact on me which cant be pit in words. ‘Agar Tum Saath Ho’ and ‘Tu Koi Aur He ‘ are two brilliantly composed soulful tracks, which will make you, ponder, make you wonder, and give you that much needed reality check. The lesson I carried back home from the cinema was that whether its few hours.. few days or few weeks.. its not always the time.. but the connect.. the unsaid unexpressed words and emotions that sometimes give you a purpose of being and a whole new meaning to your very existence. And I believe we all need to be that other person to someone else…a living….breathing....screaming invitation to believe in better things!!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sK7riqg2mr4

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0lql0pSSwQ

“Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.”

― Sarah Dessen

Dying to be me….!!!!!

Title of the post owes its origin to the much acclaimed book by Anita Moorjani, one amazingly spectacular soul who has inspired me beyond words in the recent times... Her awe inspiring autobiographical book is by all means a source of self-enrichment, which will make you look at life in a whole new light!       

          

A year back… in the month of July…. I lost my grand dad to Alzheimer’s and old age. His passing away…left a void in our lives…a wound that is so deep and sore which time I feel has failed to heal. “You will get over it”- true that it’s always the clichés that cause the trouble.  For I believe the truth is, we never get over the ones we love. The void always remains for it is in the shape of the person you love; you would never want anyone else to fit into that space. When we lose someone, for whatever reasons; in the end reasons simply don’t count. Reasons and results- we end up living with the results.

Even before, in this space, I have spoken about losing people… to the inevitable…losing them to reality.. losing ourselves in the process of trying to keep others as a whole! But one amazing thing life has taught me is that we don’t really lose the ones we love. They live in us and we carry a part of them with us for the rest of our lives. Remember receiving this wonderful message from my soul sister whom I absolutely adore which read “One day, whether you are 14,28 or 65, you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find is that, they are not always with whom we spend our lives.” Can’t be truer!

And yes if you ask me.. yes, I do believe in destiny. Not just the kind we stumble upon in the monotony of a quiet life… but that destiny we sometimes have to create for ourselves. And I also believe that sometimes its good ‘not to let go’ because once destiny guides you to the one you need, its up to you to hold on amidst all odds. True that sometimes the wrong decisions or choices we make bring us to the right places and right people. Life, for me, is the most magnificent experience with regard to taking you totally by surprise every now and then.

It shows you happiness… freedom…love…laughter and all the wonderful emotions and before you know it, in the blink of an eye, takes it all away, leaves you devoid of them making you value and cherish all the goodness and positivity whenever you get your hands on it through your journey. It has always amazed me to know how each one of us finds that one person amongst a billion others, that one person who touches your soul and changes your life forever.

That one person who would make you feel stronger and weaker at the same time….both excited and terrified.. it just seems like you have reached the unreachable and you are ready for it. Once your life is touched by them….you completely forget how you spent all the years before they came along. For it is in their love,  you know from the very first day that the end of it is coming, still you want to hold on for a little longer so that it can hurt a little more.  It is a whole new world.. a whole new you.. and a whole new purpose of being!

Its for the second time am mentioning the same song in ‘serenity’ for a new post…could not find a more apt track for all the emotions making me hostile while am drafting it… ‘Aaj jaane ki zid na karo’ is an amazingly soulful melody which will give voice to the words that never got a chance to be spoken… that love which never was given a chance to grow.. but chose to stay.. even when people walked away…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnAVroHAwHE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-ju-nuG2oo

This also is the longest post I ever scribbled… cherishing all the the ‘first ever’ moments life abundantly blessed me with in the recent times.  When you have your moment of ‘serendipity’…. that moment when you accidentally stumble up on something or someone truly amazing… hold them close….tell them you love them….never let go…even if its few moments….days or weeks you have with them…. live it in its essence….give it all you have got....because at least in the end you will be happy you tried and you gave it your best….for this very moment is all we have got… live it to the fullest….never regret!

“Because maybe, in a way, we didn't leave it behind nearly as much as we might once have thought. Because somewhere underneath, a part of us stayed like that: fearful of the world around us, and no matter how much we despised ourselves for it--unable quite to let each other go.”

PS: This post goes out for my sunshine for rekindling my belief in love and all the better things, for reminding me of who I was, before the world told me who I should be! You are happiness every square inch and you are living in me!

“Let me not die..while am still alive..!!!!!”

Title inspired from the Facebook COO, Sheryl Sandberg’s much appreciated piece of write up she posted in memory of her late husband inspired me beyond words. Been reading a lot of similar posts since then and got glued onto this one abstract from ‘Brida’ by Paulo Coelho which speaks about soul mates.  

“That you will never be mine, and that is why I will never lose you..” this one line made me ponder.. dwell deep into the unknown depths of many such encounters life has been surprising me with. For some relationships are such.. some people too. They happen to us when we least expect it…or when we are least prepared .. and that’s when right in the monotony of a quiet life.. you realize, you still have a dream!

Life, many a time totally takes you by surprise.. makes you experience all those emotions you have once forgotten of left behind. I too believe, like Sheryl Sandberg says when tragedy occurs, it presents us with a choice. Where we can either give into the void and the engulfing emptiness or choose to find a whole new meaning and purpose for being. Always choose the latter!

People come into your life..to inspire you or drain you.. and when you realize you are done being the lake everyone is draining.. that’s when you give way to the right ones to walk in and stay…the ones who will fill in the empty space in your soul by just being there.. the ones who hold back their words to make room for your unsaid..unheard words. The ones who make you realize being hopeful does not always mean everything is going to be ok, but accepting the things which are not right and choosing to do something about it. Always let such people in.. for they are your certainty during your moments of doubt and faith during the moments of anxiety and they teach you to live full of faith when life drains you dry. Let go off the rest and make space for the most precious surprises at the most unexpected corners of life. True that sometimes we find solace in the most unlikeliest places and people. 

One song that came to mind was ‘Abhi mujh me kahin’ from the remake of the evergreen classic ‘Agneepath’. This one version of the song by the music band ‘Thaikkudam Bridge’ is my personal favorite because of its uniqueness and the soul it carries. The song speaks many such emotions that we all live with and live for!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xdgnHjAp3a0

Cant agree more to the one who said a soul mate is that someone who makes you a better person. No, actually they don't make you a better person, you do it yourself because they inspire you. You would want to carry that person with you for ever for knowing you, accepting you and believing in you before anyone else did or no one else would ever. So when you find them, keep them for they are all what you really need! Life indeed is really short...but that itself is good enough if we live it the way it is supposed to be lived...! Lets 'wake up' and be fully alive to life...

“Then you came, and I understood all of this. You came to free me from the slavery I myself had created, to tell me that I was free to return to the world and to the things of the world. I understood everything I needed to know and I will always remember now that love is liberty. That was the lesson it took me so many years to learn. That is the lesson that sent me into exile and now sets me free again. I will always remember you, and you will remember me, just as we will remember the evening, the rain on the windows, and all the things we’ll always have because we cannot possess them.”

PS: This post goes out for the most precious and priceless encounter ever,  for making me fall in love with life yet again!

Life…death…dreams…love…or the lack of it!!!!!

Title inspired from my favourite author Paulo Coelho’s ‘Adultery’, this post was so unexpected , so sudden and so long pending. I have always hated waiting... waiting for the right time…waiting for the right things …waiting for the right people and so on. We all wait… rather than stepping up and doing something about it...we all tend to wait. “The trouble is we think we have time.” This simple line Sri Buddha said has to be the most sensible thing I have heard in a long while. I haven’t visited this space in ages.. I kept pushing it for another day…always felt I can do it any time I want.. a better day..a better song..a better mood… but today..I decided to just write!

"Life changes fast… life changes in the instant...” Joan Didion’s words are simple yet intense...straight forward yet magically poetic and they can’t be truer. There are things that happen that change your views and perceptions about things and people. True that the most priceless things in this world are not ‘things’.I believe it’s very important to take a break….stop doing things that we do every day…and do something off the routine to surprise and delight ourselves. I have been staying away from the usual for some time now, and I spent this time catching up on some amazing movies I have missed watching in time. It was in fact  a catching up with myself  too… and two of them in particular did that rare thing of touching my soul.

‘Highway’ that gave a break to the actor in Alia Bhatt and the Malayalam movie ‘Varsham’ which made me believe once again in the treasure of a talent Sree Mammotty is. When highway talks about the unusual serene bond between Veera and Mahabir and how one journey turns out to be life changing for Veera, ‘Varsham’ portrays the relationship between a couple and their son and how they turn the biggest tragedy of their life into a tale of hope and life to many.

Life by all means looks like a story when we look behind. We deal with the most unexpected situations and people and they change the way we perceive life itself. Our losses, whatever they are…leave us deserted and shattered. When Veera had to face the agony of an abused childhood bringing her up and how she turns out Mahabir’s absence from life into something unbelievably fulfilling, Venugopal of ‘Varsham’ struggles to cop up with the sudden demise of his only son. It amazed me to see how beautifully these characters managed to rise from the ashes for a purpose much greater and much worthwhile.

We lose people to the inevitable… we lose them to reality…sometimes we just lose the person we believed someone was… the truth is …we simply lose! Reality is that thing which doesn't go away, when we stop believing in it. It is up to us how we want to deal with the loss. True that in the space between a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, there is a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are. Our time is really limited. Let’s not waste it living someone else’s life. This is our one chance to be us. Let’s not be trapped by the dogma, which is living with the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the voice of other people’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. So very true! Let’s wake up and be fully alive to life!

Here’s sharing two soulful tracks that convey the depth and intensity of the bond between the people in those two brilliant movies.‘Sooha Saha’ from Highway and ‘Kari mukilukal’ from Varsham. Let the songs speak for themselves!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzUmTp6apx8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFdWJiXy2CM

"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps you moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."

PS: This post goes out for the ones who have always chosen to 'stay' despite all the odds.. all the flaws.. all the distance . 

…Of self discovery.. self realization and some…!!!!!

“At the bottom of her heart, however, she was waiting for something to happen. Like shipwrecked sailors, she turned despairing eyes upon the solitude of her life, seeking afar off some white sail in the mists of the horizon. She did not know what this chance would be, what wind would bring it her, towards what shore it would drive her, if it would be a shallop or a three-decker, laden with anguish or full of bliss to the portholes. But each morning, as she awoke, she hoped it would come that day; she listened to every sound, sprang up with a start, wondered that it did not come; then at sunset, always more saddened, she longed for the morrow.”

― Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

It has been a long phase of hibernation … a long break from giving words to thoughts.. a real long break where I kept myself away from something that always made me feel liberated..made me experience freedom.. and all such beautiful emotions.. somewhere in the monotony of a quiet life…I left a part of my soul behind..until today when I realized… I need to be… I need to get back.. not because I always created some magic through my scribbling here… not because it changed anything or anyone… but just because of the fact that… this space was always there… unchanged.. and that was indeed something!

All this while.. there was this emptiness.. this void.. that filled up mind .. and as hours slipped by and as I was spending more time with myself than ever before.. came this phase of self discovery and understanding of who I was.. have been… and who I want to be. The beginning para which is an extract from Gustave Flaubert’s much appreciated book ‘Madame Bovary’ kind of shook me up and awakened my soul. And yes here I am.. back to what I love doing the most…

There have been a handful of songs that have been on mind ever since I visited this space last.. there were umpteen drafts that were written and never saw light.. but this one song from the Malayalam movie ‘Kalimannu’ is that one track on mind right now.. one song that beautifully depicts the self discovery phase of a woman’s life. I have enjoyed every bit of the movie.. and the kind of strength and conviction a woman had to bear the child of her husband who was never to return to life..moved me beyond words.  How she found that one ray of hope amidst the ashes and how when no new sun rose in the horizon she brought her own sunshine …

To be the woman you are.. all what you have been.. and to be able to accept it as a whole.. never be ashamed of her desires..her dreams and her weaknesses..and her magical illusions.. to love life beyond and after ..and experience the fullness and meaning of womanhood.. the most beautiful part of being a woman.. bringing a life to this world.. that’s what ‘Meera’ taught me .. ‘ Kalimannu’ indeed is a celebration of motherhood … a bliss greater than any happiness.

‘ Salabham aayi’ is much more than a song.. it is indeed the journey of a woman’s life summed up in a soulful and amazing way. O N V Kurup Sir’s magic is visible in each word and this song is one track which created a lot of respect in me for the music composer that is Sri M. Jayachandran. Shreya is by all means God’s chosen one. Music is there in her very existence.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgHHkiXu8vI

It happens so often in life we reach this phase of self discovery..of self realization and understanding of our purpose much more than ever before. When we muster the courage to stand up for what we feel is right.. and when we learn to lean upon self! I have always felt that love is the strongest of all emotions and the weakest of all too at times. We indeed lose ourselves in the things we love.. but we find ourselves there too. It can’t be more true. Even when the coldness of the night begins to engulf your soul and even when the flames have died down..  love has this thing in its soul, this fiery glow that leads us to unfamiliar lands.. of new dreams and of an unfamiliar existence.. scary and desirable at the same time..and not the smothering routine of an ordinary existence. The song unbelievably captures the very soul of the movie and conveys the purest form of passion and companionship.. and  manages to uplift my soul each time I listen to this..

I wish this strength for all the amazing souls who have changed life through ways big and small.. who have always believed and stood by .. who never listened to judge.. never listened to reply.. but to understand! No matter how hard the wind blows at times.. a clear day’s warmth will always bring you back to life! True that if one always looked at the skies, one would end up having wings. Flaubert, I have never been more convinced than this.


'' When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. they wanted her to change back into what she had always been. But she had wings!''

PS: This post goes out for the ones who convinced me that I still have words left in me.. to share with the world. You all are magic in my life!

While you were sleeping...!

Title inspired from an article I happened to read in one of those weekend magazines in my desert city. Unlike the usual reads full of shallow materialism, this particular article spoke about Brianna, a nurse and Nate Lytle , a miracle survivor of a disastrous accident. How Brianna never guessed when she started her nursing shift that she would fall for a patient in coma…how she used to speak to Nate while he was unconscious and how she felt that one of a kind..strange connection with him… which happens only once in  a life time… when love gets eternal…

At a time when I was almost doubting the existence of anything ‘unconditional’ in this unforgiving world… God made me browse through the pages of that magazine..when yet again.. my beliefs about life..love..and the existence of that ‘someday’ when everything falls in place.. were rekindled. For that’s the way with life… the unique strange thing about it.. when we are almost on the verge of giving up.. life gives you something to hold on.. something to start living all over again. True that sometimes it’s better not to worry about not having someone by our side.. or to worry about not finding that unique kind of connect with anyone… instead… cherish each moment of being in love.. with life.. with all the good and bad it throws at you.. spend the rest of your life making memories.. happy..positive..serene ones...

Sometimes we all find love in the unlikeliest of circumstances.. when you start looking at life with a whole new perspective.. ‘Veyilaay oru naal’ from the Malayalam movie ‘Unnam’ is one such song which got to me when I had almost lost touch with my reflection…my blog. Didn’t want to wait till tomorrow to write about this track. Penned sacredly by Rafeeq Ahmed sir and given the soulful tune by Sri John P Varkey, ‘Veyilaay’ is a heavenly track which touched my soul…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOYmqPTPbf8

Though I could not appreciate or relate to the way the song has been used in the movie,  I just could not look through the soul of the fabulous melody which beautifully captures the most unconditional form of the divine emotion. Again another realization that.. quite often things are not exactly the same as they appear…shallow turns out to be deep and what appears to be the most intense thing..turns out to be nothing but chaff. It’s unfortunate that just like the song.. many of us look through he abundance we have in our lives… just not content..always looking for something else.. when some where during the course of search.. we lose ourselves… when we eventually realize what we have left behind is what we needed the most… what we crushed under our feet is what gave meaning to our existence…

While the song begins to play one more time in my phone… I close my eyes and wish that at some stage ..we all find that priceless unconditional love Nate got from Brianna…  as for my part, I wish to be that dew that melts away after watering your much dried soul.. when it rains ..wish to be that ray of light which would make you warm and  then fade away… wish to be that prayer which will keep you safe.. just to be that silent breathe that follows you where ever you go living your life. In a world I can be anything…I wish to be myself…! Yes, there is dew in my desert..

‘Who wants to live forever.. I would rather live my memories with you and breathe my last…If you are cold at night..let the promise of my love for you..cover you warm..’

PS: Thank you 'achayan' for the song Mp3. Priceless gift

Phir Le Aya Dil...!!!!1

Some songs are so divine.. so serene.. and so very special ..that they make you feel.. in fact believe that they were made just for you and people like you in this big wide world... Could not find a better title for this particular post.."Phir le aya dil" from the much talked about Oscar nominated movie 'Barfi' is one of a kind..I feel such songs happen once in ages... personally for me this is truly an amazing come back of the musician in Pritam. simple..soothing and soul stirring; that's the song for you.  

Some days in life are special... because of some rare once in a life time moments...just another day becomes one for the keeps.. unique and priceless. Today is one such day... !A day when life rekindled my belief in that priceless irreplaceable emotion called love... I don't want to remember dates.. but moments..and so agree to the one who said 'the richness of life lies in those memories we have forgotten'

Quite often it happens with many of us that.. our paths cross with those ones whom we once thought we lost forever... you feel broken and wounded..when you are beginning to feel that love has made an exit.. when we least expect it.. we get to experience the warmth of their presence yet again... you feel complete...you start believing in yourself yet again... though we know in the end we never will get to be together..but you are content just loving and being there... 

"Phir le aya dil" fabulously captures the divine emotion when you reconnect with the one you love ...after a painful hiatus.. so beautifully depicts that 'incompleteness in absence'. Love indeed makes you dream..takes you out of the actual and gives you wings..no matter how many times you have been shattered and wounded. It's the very simplicity of the track that makes the song priceless. Arijit Singh has done a more than fantabulous job.. his voice is heavenly .. a much much promising future of music is here finally!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_VyE7LR7c2Y

True that sometimes memories are good enough for you to live .. some other times.. thoughts of how different life could have been..if things were otherwise... gives you the strength to persevere.."Memory indeed a way of holding on to the things you love..the things you are..the things you never want to lose.." you get used to the feel good pain love gives you.. and you chose to come to terms with it and live the days of your life just loving..holding on to your incomplete dreams..memories.. and desires. But love..time and again..creates the magical illusion of those moments when you feel am not alone...

"Let's not forget to love.. loving what you cannot forget and let go off.. creates a new way to remember. Let's change the memory of our past into the hope of our future"

PS: This post goes out to the  serene one for whom  I want to live the rest of my life  for ..just loving... you are God sent!