Friday, December 30, 2011

Being a mother....!!!!

2011 indeed was one memorable year.. unique in a million ways…a year when I was welcomed into the world of motherhood… a year that saw many people walking in and out of life… a year of some realizations.. some good..some bad…some bitter… a year when I actually saw my soul icon of music ARR… a year which changed the impulsive scorpion in me to a subtle accommodating soul… zillion thanks the wonderful days and hours spent in my make believe world…thanks to my shooting star who fell in to my life as a blessing…you are indeed God sent!

As days pass by we all have this realisation of who is with us and who is not.. who means what they say and who doesn’t … but when you are a mother you never cant have the word ‘hate’ in your world…Like they say… “I have found the paradox…when you love until it hurts..there can’t be more hurt..but only more love…”It is true that once you become a mother ..your judgement slowly turns into compassion and understanding…it relaxes you and you eventually learn to deal with crisis situations that might come along the course of life…Osho once said “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new..”cant be more true.

When I first watched this amazing movie from 80’s my understanding of the central character played brilliantly by this amazing actor was not so deep… but now.. as years have passed by and when life has given me a part of my soul in the shape of my lil one… I know I understand her a lot better… I can relate and empathize with what she feels… and what she yearns for in life… this fabulous Malayalam movie from the golden era..”Onnu muthal poojyam vare” was just amazingly brilliant not just because of its unbelievale script and screenpaly..but also because of this evergreen lullaby rendered mesmerisingly by K S Chithra and G Venugopal… am so glad Chithra chechi is back… back to the world of music after a hiatus… missed her terribly and it feels fabulous to see her fight back to the hard knocks of life…“Raari raareeram” indeed played a pivotal rold in establishing Mohan Sithara’s career as a musician and it did take him to those unknown heights of glory where everyone just admired the talent in him…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNgl7aakwQU

Sometimes being alone gets you to a point where you are no fun anymore… when you keep trying too hard to be all that your child wants you to be… It is true that at times we truly realise we are all so alone.. its just that the love we carry in our soul creates an illusion of not being alone for few moments..when you start yearning for that gentle breeze to touch your soul..that belongs only to you.. when you start looking for your safest corner in this otherwise insensitive world…it's often just enough to be with someone. You don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone anymore… this song and movie has so well captured these emotions where the absence of someone in life keeps coming back to your thoughts no matter how much hard you try… “Loneliness indeed is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate”…Germain Greer is right…

Sometimes starting over becomes far more difficult than starting from scratch…a happy ending not always means ending up with the one you love..may be its just you..you on your own…picking up those bits and pieces..and starting over once again…. As another year fades away… I just wish that everyone out there get what they genuinely wish for..and what they truly deserve… let your serene divine love create that magical illusion of not being alone in your lives for now and for all the years to come….

“'You'll get over it...' It's the clich├ęs that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not erased by anyone but death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit. Why would I want them to?”

Wednesday, December 7, 2011

Desert rain...!!!!!

Winter in this desert city is definitely having its effect on me… right now …looking outside my window pane , watching the dark clouds ready to pour out those life giving drops of rain any second… got reminded of this unbelievable composition by ARR, rendered brilliantly by Sadhana Sargam… ‘Naina neer bahaye’ … from the well acclaimed movie.. ‘Water’ . Can relate completely to Tagore’s mood when he penned “Clouds come floating into my life…no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky…”

Love! That beautiful magnificient emotion that we can try to define time and again… and every time come up with a whole new perspective…the sense of belonging…the undenyable sense of longing that comes along with it….there is never a state like..I have enough of love in my life…we always long for a little more of it…perhaps the only thing in this world everyone would be greedy of…I feel we all learn to love not when you find out what makes the other person laugh.. but when you find out what makes the one you love shed a tear…

The sight of rain… always makes me experience a whole lot of emotions.. helps me cleanse out a lot of stain and scars that I carry along most often…when mind and soul undergoes ‘C’atharsis…emotional cleansing like they say… love is one such divine emotion that oozes out life into the earlier drained out lifeless soul…that one emotion which has you and me mystified forever…

This track amazingly captures the intensity of pain that love quite often brings along..Like the poet who said “Let your tears come..let them water your soul…”Life throws in a lot of surprises .. it is when you feel that now on..am going to be in a particular way that a sudden change of season happens..making you fall in and out of love every now and then..when you cling on to that one ray of hope and breathe life..Many a time it happens that your tears fall endlessly for a person who never really was yours.. when you miss someone whom you were never really with..still you love..hopelessly..unconditionally…with all your heart..and let your silence do all the talking…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwU0PuFIUP8

‘Naina neer bahaye’ is one haunting melody which will make you experience the pain of seperation.. this mighty impressive track will make you yearn for that bit more of love.. make you long for someone… and live on..

“When love beckons to you, follow him,Though his ways are hard and steep…And when his wings enfold you yield to him..Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you…And when he speaks to you believe in him.. To know the pain of too much tenderness…To be wounded by your own understanding of love;And to bleed willingly and joyfully…To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving”

PS : This post goes out for the one who poured that divine love into my life…