Thursday, March 1, 2018

Live…for all the things you would die for !

Lets talk about life. Yes, something as simple yet as deep as the term ‘life’. Not the kind of conversations that feel superficial and shallow, but the kind which will make you feel a little less lonely, heard and understood. Sudden changes in the usual, unexpected losses and untimely deaths always bring along with them a whole set of revelations and realizations.

There are these sinking moments…moments of fear, uncertainty and self pity which follows. Those dreadful moments, which suck you into the depths of some strange dark corners that you possibly didn’t know existed. You possibly feel like being swept off the ground by this quicksand effect, which totally shakes you up, and you feel your world crumbling down all around you. Ever felt this despair and helplessness of not knowing where, why, when and how?!

Then there are also these incredible moments of realizations about what actually matters and what ought to matter in the long run. Those stubborn moments of self-assurance and clarity we seek beyond the blurry horizons. Yes, that is the kind of emotions we are talking about. The demons which we fight every day and refuse to give in holding on to that one single thread of hope. That kind of magnificent strength that makes you a living, breathing, real example accepting and embracing life with all its surprises, jolts and reality checks every now and then.

Us humans, we always long for that something in our lives to fill the emptiness in our soul created by that aww so overwhelming unacknowledged loneliness. It could be a person, a thing, or just something that we do, to keep ourselves moving ahead despite of all the odds. I have learned that the little secret is to accept the fact that sometimes its not about figuring it all out at once, but to live through each day gracefully and repeat it every single day until you find that stability. True that sometimes its no mountain we conquer but ourselves. I have also started to believe that it is really important for us to accept the fact that every one else has a life beyond their understanding of our suffering and pain that we have to sometimes find solace, peace and answers within ourselves.So tread lightly on those difficult roads and don't be too harsh on yourself. Yes, the world might try to break you down, but wear your truth like your shield... and tread lightly!

Just few days back, I lost a dear friend to cardiac arrest and quite a few people to reality! Losses no matter in what form, create a void that only can be filled with hope, patience and a whole lot of love. There are these days when you miss that feeling of being held. If you ask me, the safest I have always felt is inside a hug. Hugs make you feel so safe, protected and taken care of. Something as simple as a hug can breathe life into a person I have known when I hugged my darling friend who eventually lost her fight to cancer.

There are few songs that kept me company through my dark days and nights. Music indeed holds the power within to heal all kinds of wounds and make you whole again. This also has been the phase where the mother in me has been suffocated beyond measure with the distance that has come in between the little piece of my soul and myself. Music has always been that loyal companion with me throughout this journey as my no judgment zone and rock of a constant. Music helps when your soul has aching voids and scars on it because we rubbed ourselves against certain experiences and people. It helped me find my light yet again. I really do hope, it will help you too no matter what you are enduring right now!

There was indeed never a night so dark or a heartache so deep that could defeat the miracle of another sunrise or a ray of hope! Here is borrowing Jidnya Pandya’s soulful ‘One less lonely night’ to wrap up my thoughts. “ Just wait back a little longer! The night is almost over; come, lets watch the sunrise together!”

Saturday, August 12, 2017

When life happens!!!!!

“Home is not where you are from,
It is where you belong..

Some of us travel the world to find it..

Others, find it in a person!!!”

Home is indeed where all our stories begin! For me ‘home’ is the nicest word that has ever been.. a place where all the magic resides! Life surprises you quite often. When we are least expecting it or prepared for it, it takes you by surprise! Normal is by all means amazingly precious! But quite often, we are looking for things we don’t have in our lives that we don’t stop by to cherish that what has always been there.. unexplored! That taken for granted feeling of traveling the whole world and coming back home to rest our head on that old familiar pillow!

Few years back when I went to watch this movie ‘O K Kanmani’ only for the love of ARR and Maniratnam and wee bit of DQ love, never did I imagine that I would actually fall in love not with anyone of them but with this story of an absolutely phenomenal couple played by Prakash Raj and the graceful Leela Samson, which made me believe in the most purest of emotions all over again!

Alzheimer’s is something devastatingly painful and I have known how it feels like to watch your loved ones go through the same… how it feels like to have your memories wiped out of their soul and just watch them helplessly… how it is like trying to create new memories for them… something more beautiful… something more meaningful than what they have experienced… even when you know that tomorrow it will all be erased in a second! I have always loved ‘love’ of such kind.. the unconditional .. the purest and most selfless… unadulterated kind of love. When you just want to exist for the other as peace in their chaos…calm in their storm … by just creating one meaningful moment at a time!

‘Malargal ketten’ is an extremely soulful track that amazingly captures the precious bond between the elderly couple and how they are in each other and how they are selflessly for each other. It has always fascinated me.. that yearning to grow old with a person.. that feeling of finding yourself all over again in a person…that feeling of being at home with a person! People who come into our lives for a reason.. people who change your very course of being by simply being there.. people who bring you back to life from those lifeless dark corners of agony and hurt…people who make you want to live all over again… creating meaningful memories… people who love your rough edges and the soft parts that bleed...people who bring you back home with them from the unfamiliar terrains where you were lost! Yes am talking about those once in a lifetime kind of people who come to our lives to remind us about our magic which we had forgotten…. to show us true love.. and to stand up for us through ways no one has ever!

Love indeed is not ‘if’ or ‘because’! Love is ‘anyway’ and ‘even though’ and ‘inspite of’ !  Can’t agree more! Groundless hope like unconditional love is indeed still the only thing that is worth having!

"You don’t measure love in time. You measure love in transformation. Sometimes the longest connections yield very little growth, while the briefest of encounters change everything. The heart doesn’t wear a watch - it’s timeless. It doesn’t care how long you know someone. It doesn’t care if you had a 40 year anniversary if there is no juice in the connection. What the heart cares about is resonance. Resonance that opens it, resonance that enlivens it, resonance that calls it home. And when it finds it, the transformation begins.."

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Reflections !!!

“You don’t need anyone else to save you. You already have yourself for that” this is indeed that one line which has always pushed me back to doing all what I once thought was impossible. The fact is, we never realize the strings that tie us down until our very roots are affected. Quite often, we are so used to the ordinary, the usual, the routine and the expected, that we tend to find comfort in them and we never dare to step out of that zone to explore the unknown, to rediscover yourself and to truly unveil what you yourself are capable of.

Just a day back I woke up to this strange haunting dream, which kept me thinking. Just when I have always thought finally I have learned to live, life has changed in the instant. It has only been few days since I lost someone extremely dear to the inevitable. Someone who was to stay for long….someone who was by all means deserving to be around for a very long while.. but who could not make it. It is only when we experience sudden losses and sudden changes in the ordinary, that we actually tend to sit back… breathe and look into things that really matter. The dream had me watch helplessly when people who were still alive and breathing were getting buried. I was frantically trying to make the ones around understand there is still life.. there is still hope.. all in vein.  Waking up to that feeling of helplessness was not really the best way to start a day with…but I could so get the reasons and thought processes, which led me to having such a dream. In that space between dream and reality, I did find myself all over again!

Quite often we are all so preoccupied in this race, that race which we don’t even know or realize whether we want to be a part of ; until one day we are left with no time or no tomorrows. We are always pushed in different directions by hundreds of conflicting impulses. I remember how when this year started my soul sister and I made this promise to each other. To give ourselves the love... the time… the space .. and the freedom that we truly deserve. That rare resolution which we made to ourselves .. to spend at least an hour every week away from everything and everyone.. just you and your thoughts… detached , has helped in ways big and small to rearrange the misplaced pieces and put them back just the way it should be .

‘Tamasha’ is one movie whose message resonated so well with me. This morning again, I happened to see the movie while randomly browsing channels and I decided to get back to this space without keeping it for another day. That moment when we realize that the ‘some day’ which we all keep talking about, is indeed ‘today’. ‘Tu koi aur he’ soulfully depicts the chaos..the identity crisis.. the life of denial.. the masked reality.. each one of us can  very well relate to.

Just like someone wise once jotted down ““Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” It is so true that we have to sometimes create and not just accept our destiny. Do not just exist through each day, because all moments we just fritter away are moments, which we will never get back. Whether those are moments with ourselves or with the ones who truly matter! So let me ask you this! What would you have done differently if you really appreciate the one priceless gift life is and if you really see the imminence of the inevitable?! Go for it today!

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them. The longest journey indeed is the journey inward”

PS : This post goes out to my positivity fairy, my rock , my brutally honest reflection, my Vaavamani !