Saturday, February 4, 2017

Reflections !!!

“You don’t need anyone else to save you. You already have yourself for that” this is indeed that one line which has always pushed me back to doing all what I once thought was impossible. The fact is, we never realize the strings that tie us down until our very roots are affected. Quite often, we are so used to the ordinary, the usual, the routine and the expected, that we tend to find comfort in them and we never dare to step out of that zone to explore the unknown, to rediscover yourself and to truly unveil what you yourself are capable of.

Just a day back I woke up to this strange haunting dream, which kept me thinking. Just when I have always thought finally I have learned to live, life has changed in the instant. It has only been few days since I lost someone extremely dear to the inevitable. Someone who was to stay for long….someone who was by all means deserving to be around for a very long while.. but who could not make it. It is only when we experience sudden losses and sudden changes in the ordinary, that we actually tend to sit back… breathe and look into things that really matter. The dream had me watch helplessly when people who were still alive and breathing were getting buried. I was frantically trying to make the ones around understand there is still life.. there is still hope.. all in vein.  Waking up to that feeling of helplessness was not really the best way to start a day with…but I could so get the reasons and thought processes, which led me to having such a dream. In that space between dream and reality, I did find myself all over again!

Quite often we are all so preoccupied in this race, that race which we don’t even know or realize whether we want to be a part of ; until one day we are left with no time or no tomorrows. We are always pushed in different directions by hundreds of conflicting impulses. I remember how when this year started my soul sister and I made this promise to each other. To give ourselves the love... the time… the space .. and the freedom that we truly deserve. That rare resolution which we made to ourselves .. to spend at least an hour every week away from everything and everyone.. just you and your thoughts… detached , has helped in ways big and small to rearrange the misplaced pieces and put them back just the way it should be .

‘Tamasha’ is one movie whose message resonated so well with me. This morning again, I happened to see the movie while randomly browsing channels and I decided to get back to this space without keeping it for another day. That moment when we realize that the ‘some day’ which we all keep talking about, is indeed ‘today’. ‘Tu koi aur he’ soulfully depicts the chaos..the identity crisis.. the life of denial.. the masked reality.. each one of us can  very well relate to.

Just like someone wise once jotted down ““Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” It is so true that we have to sometimes create and not just accept our destiny. Do not just exist through each day, because all moments we just fritter away are moments, which we will never get back. Whether those are moments with ourselves or with the ones who truly matter! So let me ask you this! What would you have done differently if you really appreciate the one priceless gift life is and if you really see the imminence of the inevitable?! Go for it today!

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them. The longest journey indeed is the journey inward”

PS : This post goes out to my positivity fairy, my rock , my brutally honest reflection, my Vaavamani !

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Strangers with memories !!!!!

“One more time we are strangers, but this time with memories.” This line that I came across of late got me thinking. It has been so long since I have visited this space. Sometimes it so happens that silence takes over and words no longer make sense to you. We all go through such phases of hibernation when you are totally withdrawn into your confined space where no one has access!

It is really something to think about how we make people who used to mean everything into a thing of times gone by. How we should learn to unlearn. How we can force ourselves to forget and what can we put in their place to fill up the void? The emotional journey your soul undergoes after every farewell teaches you more about yourself than the relationship did.. makes you realise what someone or something meant to you and how much you would want to go back to relive those memories with them around you, a piece of home you have never known before they came along!

Life has always taught me that when our very existence revolves around someone, it just does not stop even though what is left in their place is only the thought of someone who existed, who just left and never looked back! The person who knew your every day struggles …things which made you break down… and what made you smile… the person who saw the world and the people in it through your eyes and who knew how to bring you back to life and make you fall in love with it all over again… that person is no longer there. Happened to read this recently that one of the hardest things to do in life is to grieve the loss of someone who is still alive. True that ‘'there are memories that time does not erase... Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable!’'

Farewells of all kinds always carries within their souls so much heartaches..! Family.. friends.. partners.. irrespective of who left… the void remains and you never really stop knowing them in that way like how they once were. We all find ourselves standing in those unknown fields so lost that we cannot find our way back. Those memories that are revolving around the places you went ..the things said unsaid..the songs you listened ..the dreams shared.. remain! True that “It is not really letting go off the past that is the problem. It is coming into terms with letting go off a future that will never be.”

Quite often you are left knowing a lot more about love and what it can do, and the pain the void in your heart, or emptiness in the opposite chair can bring to you. We never really get to know whether the void will be filled by the person who made it.. or will someone else can match up to that and help you heal?! I have always been of the belief that you either love someone, in someway which is uniquely yours forever, or you never really have loved.

These amazing tracks soulfully depict these emotions of different kinds! ‘Laal Ishq’ from RamLeela, ‘Judaai’ from Badlapur and ‘Oh Rangrez’  from  Bhaag Milkha Bhaag are just amazingly awesome compositions that make you experience a wide sea of emotions each time you listen to them. The sinking into an unknown space act, which only music can do that to you!

We all start as strangers. It’s incredible how with time, we realise that the storms within you calm down eventually, but we see the stars and the skies and dreams differently now and we can’t really choose whose farewell does that to us! Like Coelho says, “Because we managed to keep our heart open despite the pain… because the person who left did not take the sun with them or leave darkness in their place. They simply left!” Yes, we all start as strangers, but with every farewell comes a hidden hope and we become strangers of some sort again, but this time with memories!

“In your light I learn how to love” Rumi

Monday, November 30, 2015

The truth about forever!!!!!

I have always pondered about the intensity and the reality of the word ‘forever’. Each
time…with each person.. in all kinds of relationships.. the meaning of forever kept changing. Remember reading these lines in the book ‘The truth about forever” and I owe the title of this post to that book and that author who penned something so beautifully. “ Forever was so many different things. It was always changing. It was what everything was really about. It was twenty minutes or one hundred years or just this instant or any instant I wished would last and last.”

If you ask me, it’s all in the way we perceive things. Our forever might end in an hour.. in a day .. in a month or few years from now and its not just about happily ever afters. The fact is we don’t know for sure, so make every second count. Forever by all means for me is what is happening right now!

This post has been long over due. Sometimes it’s like that. You run of words. You get drained out of everything you once believed u had. It’s in between all the chaos that I happened to watch this amazingly thought provoking movie ‘Thamasha’ and it totally changed the very way I look at certain things.

Quite often it so happens that we exist being someone we are not from within. Just for the sake of the world and the people in it. I remember reading this somewhere- “ the statement ‘what will other people think?’ has killed more dreams than anything else in this world.” Can’t be truer! I have always felt the best days in life are those where you cannot remember the date space or time but the ones where you can experience what you felt when it happened. That feeling of happiness, contentment you hadn’t felt in a while. And above all the love...pure…. unconditional love! You remember feeling all this love. This all-consuming adoration you had once.

We all go back to such spaces a lot, going back in space and time. We see moments, flashing and fleeting, and faces of people we have once loved, now love and will always love. The movie reminded me of the best 48 days I have had till date. . 48 days of sunshine! 48 days which changed my very existence. 48 days of feeling alive. 48 blissful days of 'forever'! There are no photos, videos or digitized tokens from those days.  You can’t really go back to it with a simple glance of a photo or link to a video, which you wish you were a part of. They are priceless memories that weren’t published or clicked on. Recently I read this article, which talked about people missing out on living each moment because they are so busy documenting it. ‘That 500 million times people stopped having an experience to document one. That 500 million times throughout the day that we took ourselves out of the moment and refused to live in it.  Those 500 million pictures of experiences we’re not really having. That’s why those moments we’re not recalling through a photograph or scrolling past on Facebook are the ones we remember the best.’ Can’t agree more!

True that the best memories we hold are the ones that will stay with us for the rest of our lives and relieve us in our darkest moments are not ones we can recall through a photograph or relive through a video. Sometimes it so happens that some people you encounter even for a brief while influence you so much and change your life for good. They make you realize and remember who you truly were before this world told you who you should be!

These two songs from the movie made such a deep impact on me which cant be pit in words. ‘Agar Tum Saath Ho’ and ‘Tu Koi Aur He ‘ are two brilliantly composed soulful tracks, which will make you, ponder, make you wonder, and give you that much needed reality check. The lesson I carried back home from the cinema was that whether its few hours.. few days or few weeks.. its not always the time.. but the connect.. the unsaid unexpressed words and emotions that sometimes give you a purpose of being and a whole new meaning to your very existence. And I believe we all need to be that other person to someone else…a living….breathing....screaming invitation to believe in better things!!!!!!

“Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.”
― Sarah Dessen

Saturday, July 25, 2015

Dying to be me….!!!!!

Title of the post owes its origin to the much acclaimed book by Anita Moorjani, one amazingly spectacular soul who has inspired me beyond words in the recent times... Her awe inspiring autobiographical book is by all means a source of self-enrichment, which will make you look at life in a whole new light!       

A year back… in the month of July…. I lost my grand dad to Alzheimer’s and old age. His passing away…left a void in our lives…a wound that is so deep and sore which time I feel has failed to heal. “You will get over it”- true that it’s always the clichés that cause the trouble.  For I believe the truth is, we never get over the ones we love. The void always remains for it is in the shape of the person you love; you would never want anyone else to fit into that space. When we lose someone, for whatever reasons; in the end reasons simply don’t count. Reasons and results- we end up living with the results.

Even before, in this space, I have spoken about losing people… to the inevitable…losing them to reality.. losing ourselves in the process of trying to keep others as a whole! But one amazing thing life has taught me is that we don’t really lose the ones we love. They live in us and we carry a part of them with us for the rest of our lives. Remember receiving this wonderful message from my soul sister whom I absolutely adore which read “One day, whether you are 14,28 or 65, you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find is that, they are not always with whom we spend our lives.” Can’t be truer!

And yes if you ask me.. yes, I do believe in destiny. Not just the kind we stumble upon in the monotony of a quiet life… but that destiny we sometimes have to create for ourselves. And I also believe that sometimes its good ‘not to let go’ because once destiny guides you to the one you need, its up to you to hold on amidst all odds. True that sometimes the wrong decisions or choices we make bring us to the right places and right people. Life, for me, is the most magnificent experience with regard to taking you totally by surprise every now and then.

It shows you happiness… freedom…love…laughter and all the wonderful emotions and before you know it, in the blink of an eye, takes it all away, leaves you devoid of them making you value and cherish all the goodness and positivity whenever you get your hands on it through your journey. It has always amazed me to know how each one of us finds that one person amongst a billion others, that one person who touches your soul and changes your life forever.

That one person who would make you feel stronger and weaker at the same time….both excited and terrified.. it just seems like you have reached the unreachable and you are ready for it. Once your life is touched by them….you completely forget how you spent all the years before they came along. For it is in their love,  you know from the very first day that the end of it is coming, still you want to hold on for a little longer so that it can hurt a little more.  It is a whole new world.. a whole new you.. and a whole new purpose of being!

Its for the second time am mentioning the same song in ‘serenity’ for a new post…could not find a more apt track for all the emotions making me hostile while am drafting it… ‘Aaj jaane ki zid na karo’ is an amazingly soulful melody which will give voice to the words that never got a chance to be spoken… that love which never was given a chance to grow.. but chose to stay.. even when people walked away…

This also is the longest post I ever scribbled… cherishing all the the ‘first ever’ moments life abundantly blessed me with in the recent times.  When you have your moment of ‘serendipity’…. that moment when you accidentally stumble up on something or someone truly amazing… hold them close….tell them you love them….never let go…even if its few moments….days or weeks you have with them…. live it in its essence….give it all you have got....because at least in the end you will be happy you tried and you gave it your best….for this very moment is all we have got… live it to the fullest….never regret!

“Because maybe, in a way, we didn't leave it behind nearly as much as we might once have thought. Because somewhere underneath, a part of us stayed like that: fearful of the world around us, and no matter how much we despised ourselves for it--unable quite to let each other go.”

PS: This post goes out for my sunshine for rekindling my belief in love and all the better things, for reminding me of who I was, before the world told me who I should be! You are happiness every square inch and you are living in me!