Saturday, August 12, 2017

When life happens!!!!!

“Home is not where you are from,
It is where you belong..

Some of us travel the world to find it..

Others, find it in a person!!!”

Home is indeed where all our stories begin! For me ‘home’ is the nicest word that has ever been.. a place where all the magic resides! Life surprises you quite often. When we are least expecting it or prepared for it, it takes you by surprise! Normal is by all means amazingly precious! But quite often, we are looking for things we don’t have in our lives that we don’t stop by to cherish that what has always been there.. unexplored! That taken for granted feeling of traveling the whole world and coming back home to rest our head on that old familiar pillow!

Few years back when I went to watch this movie ‘O K Kanmani’ only for the love of ARR and Maniratnam and wee bit of DQ love, never did I imagine that I would actually fall in love not with anyone of them but with this story of an absolutely phenomenal couple played by Prakash Raj and the graceful Leela Samson, which made me believe in the most purest of emotions all over again!

Alzheimer’s is something devastatingly painful and I have known how it feels like to watch your loved ones go through the same… how it feels like to have your memories wiped out of their soul and just watch them helplessly… how it is like trying to create new memories for them… something more beautiful… something more meaningful than what they have experienced… even when you know that tomorrow it will all be erased in a second! I have always loved ‘love’ of such kind.. the unconditional .. the purest and most selfless… unadulterated kind of love. When you just want to exist for the other as peace in their chaos…calm in their storm … by just creating one meaningful moment at a time!

‘Malargal ketten’ is an extremely soulful track that amazingly captures the precious bond between the elderly couple and how they are in each other and how they are selflessly for each other. It has always fascinated me.. that yearning to grow old with a person.. that feeling of finding yourself all over again in a person…that feeling of being at home with a person! People who come into our lives for a reason.. people who change your very course of being by simply being there.. people who bring you back to life from those lifeless dark corners of agony and hurt…people who make you want to live all over again… creating meaningful memories… people who love your rough edges and the soft parts that bleed...people who bring you back home with them from the unfamiliar terrains where you were lost! Yes am talking about those once in a lifetime kind of people who come to our lives to remind us about our magic which we had forgotten…. to show us true love.. and to stand up for us through ways no one has ever!

Love indeed is not ‘if’ or ‘because’! Love is ‘anyway’ and ‘even though’ and ‘inspite of’ !  Can’t agree more! Groundless hope like unconditional love is indeed still the only thing that is worth having!

"You don’t measure love in time. You measure love in transformation. Sometimes the longest connections yield very little growth, while the briefest of encounters change everything. The heart doesn’t wear a watch - it’s timeless. It doesn’t care how long you know someone. It doesn’t care if you had a 40 year anniversary if there is no juice in the connection. What the heart cares about is resonance. Resonance that opens it, resonance that enlivens it, resonance that calls it home. And when it finds it, the transformation begins.."

Saturday, February 4, 2017

Reflections !!!

“You don’t need anyone else to save you. You already have yourself for that” this is indeed that one line which has always pushed me back to doing all what I once thought was impossible. The fact is, we never realize the strings that tie us down until our very roots are affected. Quite often, we are so used to the ordinary, the usual, the routine and the expected, that we tend to find comfort in them and we never dare to step out of that zone to explore the unknown, to rediscover yourself and to truly unveil what you yourself are capable of.

Just a day back I woke up to this strange haunting dream, which kept me thinking. Just when I have always thought finally I have learned to live, life has changed in the instant. It has only been few days since I lost someone extremely dear to the inevitable. Someone who was to stay for long….someone who was by all means deserving to be around for a very long while.. but who could not make it. It is only when we experience sudden losses and sudden changes in the ordinary, that we actually tend to sit back… breathe and look into things that really matter. The dream had me watch helplessly when people who were still alive and breathing were getting buried. I was frantically trying to make the ones around understand there is still life.. there is still hope.. all in vein.  Waking up to that feeling of helplessness was not really the best way to start a day with…but I could so get the reasons and thought processes, which led me to having such a dream. In that space between dream and reality, I did find myself all over again!

Quite often we are all so preoccupied in this race, that race which we don’t even know or realize whether we want to be a part of ; until one day we are left with no time or no tomorrows. We are always pushed in different directions by hundreds of conflicting impulses. I remember how when this year started my soul sister and I made this promise to each other. To give ourselves the love... the time… the space .. and the freedom that we truly deserve. That rare resolution which we made to ourselves .. to spend at least an hour every week away from everything and everyone.. just you and your thoughts… detached , has helped in ways big and small to rearrange the misplaced pieces and put them back just the way it should be .

‘Tamasha’ is one movie whose message resonated so well with me. This morning again, I happened to see the movie while randomly browsing channels and I decided to get back to this space without keeping it for another day. That moment when we realize that the ‘some day’ which we all keep talking about, is indeed ‘today’. ‘Tu koi aur he’ soulfully depicts the chaos..the identity crisis.. the life of denial.. the masked reality.. each one of us can  very well relate to.

Just like someone wise once jotted down ““Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” It is so true that we have to sometimes create and not just accept our destiny. Do not just exist through each day, because all moments we just fritter away are moments, which we will never get back. Whether those are moments with ourselves or with the ones who truly matter! So let me ask you this! What would you have done differently if you really appreciate the one priceless gift life is and if you really see the imminence of the inevitable?! Go for it today!

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them. The longest journey indeed is the journey inward”

PS : This post goes out to my positivity fairy, my rock , my brutally honest reflection, my Vaavamani !

Wednesday, July 13, 2016

Strangers with memories !!!!!

“One more time we are strangers, but this time with memories.” This line that I came across of late got me thinking. It has been so long since I have visited this space. Sometimes it so happens that silence takes over and words no longer make sense to you. We all go through such phases of hibernation when you are totally withdrawn into your confined space where no one has access!

It is really something to think about how we make people who used to mean everything into a thing of times gone by. How we should learn to unlearn. How we can force ourselves to forget and what can we put in their place to fill up the void? The emotional journey your soul undergoes after every farewell teaches you more about yourself than the relationship did.. makes you realise what someone or something meant to you and how much you would want to go back to relive those memories with them around you, a piece of home you have never known before they came along!

Life has always taught me that when our very existence revolves around someone, it just does not stop even though what is left in their place is only the thought of someone who existed, who just left and never looked back! The person who knew your every day struggles …things which made you break down… and what made you smile… the person who saw the world and the people in it through your eyes and who knew how to bring you back to life and make you fall in love with it all over again… that person is no longer there. Happened to read this recently that one of the hardest things to do in life is to grieve the loss of someone who is still alive. True that ‘'there are memories that time does not erase... Forever does not make loss forgettable, only bearable!’'

Farewells of all kinds always carries within their souls so much heartaches..! Family.. friends.. partners.. irrespective of who left… the void remains and you never really stop knowing them in that way like how they once were. We all find ourselves standing in those unknown fields so lost that we cannot find our way back. Those memories that are revolving around the places you went ..the things said unsaid..the songs you listened ..the dreams shared.. remain! True that “It is not really letting go off the past that is the problem. It is coming into terms with letting go off a future that will never be.”

Quite often you are left knowing a lot more about love and what it can do, and the pain the void in your heart, or emptiness in the opposite chair can bring to you. We never really get to know whether the void will be filled by the person who made it.. or will someone else can match up to that and help you heal?! I have always been of the belief that you either love someone, in someway which is uniquely yours forever, or you never really have loved.

These amazing tracks soulfully depict these emotions of different kinds! ‘Laal Ishq’ from RamLeela, ‘Judaai’ from Badlapur and ‘Oh Rangrez’  from  Bhaag Milkha Bhaag are just amazingly awesome compositions that make you experience a wide sea of emotions each time you listen to them. The sinking into an unknown space act, which only music can do that to you!

We all start as strangers. It’s incredible how with time, we realise that the storms within you calm down eventually, but we see the stars and the skies and dreams differently now and we can’t really choose whose farewell does that to us! Like Coelho says, “Because we managed to keep our heart open despite the pain… because the person who left did not take the sun with them or leave darkness in their place. They simply left!” Yes, we all start as strangers, but with every farewell comes a hidden hope and we become strangers of some sort again, but this time with memories!

“In your light I learn how to love” Rumi

Monday, November 30, 2015

The truth about forever!!!!!

I have always pondered about the intensity and the reality of the word ‘forever’. Each
time…with each person.. in all kinds of relationships.. the meaning of forever kept changing. Remember reading these lines in the book ‘The truth about forever” and I owe the title of this post to that book and that author who penned something so beautifully. “ Forever was so many different things. It was always changing. It was what everything was really about. It was twenty minutes or one hundred years or just this instant or any instant I wished would last and last.”

If you ask me, it’s all in the way we perceive things. Our forever might end in an hour.. in a day .. in a month or few years from now and its not just about happily ever afters. The fact is we don’t know for sure, so make every second count. Forever by all means for me is what is happening right now!

This post has been long over due. Sometimes it’s like that. You run of words. You get drained out of everything you once believed u had. It’s in between all the chaos that I happened to watch this amazingly thought provoking movie ‘Thamasha’ and it totally changed the very way I look at certain things.

Quite often it so happens that we exist being someone we are not from within. Just for the sake of the world and the people in it. I remember reading this somewhere- “ the statement ‘what will other people think?’ has killed more dreams than anything else in this world.” Can’t be truer! I have always felt the best days in life are those where you cannot remember the date space or time but the ones where you can experience what you felt when it happened. That feeling of happiness, contentment you hadn’t felt in a while. And above all the love...pure…. unconditional love! You remember feeling all this love. This all-consuming adoration you had once.

We all go back to such spaces a lot, going back in space and time. We see moments, flashing and fleeting, and faces of people we have once loved, now love and will always love. The movie reminded me of the best 48 days I have had till date. . 48 days of sunshine! 48 days which changed my very existence. 48 days of feeling alive. 48 blissful days of 'forever'! There are no photos, videos or digitized tokens from those days.  You can’t really go back to it with a simple glance of a photo or link to a video, which you wish you were a part of. They are priceless memories that weren’t published or clicked on. Recently I read this article, which talked about people missing out on living each moment because they are so busy documenting it. ‘That 500 million times people stopped having an experience to document one. That 500 million times throughout the day that we took ourselves out of the moment and refused to live in it.  Those 500 million pictures of experiences we’re not really having. That’s why those moments we’re not recalling through a photograph or scrolling past on Facebook are the ones we remember the best.’ Can’t agree more!

True that the best memories we hold are the ones that will stay with us for the rest of our lives and relieve us in our darkest moments are not ones we can recall through a photograph or relive through a video. Sometimes it so happens that some people you encounter even for a brief while influence you so much and change your life for good. They make you realize and remember who you truly were before this world told you who you should be!

These two songs from the movie made such a deep impact on me which cant be pit in words. ‘Agar Tum Saath Ho’ and ‘Tu Koi Aur He ‘ are two brilliantly composed soulful tracks, which will make you, ponder, make you wonder, and give you that much needed reality check. The lesson I carried back home from the cinema was that whether its few hours.. few days or few weeks.. its not always the time.. but the connect.. the unsaid unexpressed words and emotions that sometimes give you a purpose of being and a whole new meaning to your very existence. And I believe we all need to be that other person to someone else…a living….breathing....screaming invitation to believe in better things!!!!!!

“Some things don't last forever, but some things do. Like a good song, or a good book, or a good memory you can take out and unfold in your darkest times, pressing down on the corners and peering in close, hoping you still recognize the person you see there.”
― Sarah Dessen