Reflections !!!

“You don’t need anyone else to save you. You already have yourself for that” this is indeed that one line which has always pushed me back to doing all what I once thought was impossible. The fact is, we never realize the strings that tie us down until our very roots are affected. Quite often, we are so used to the ordinary, the usual, the routine and the expected, that we tend to find comfort in them and we never dare to step out of that zone to explore the unknown, to rediscover yourself and to truly unveil what you yourself are capable of.

Just a day back I woke up to this strange haunting dream, which kept me thinking. Just when I have always thought finally I have learned to live, life has changed in the instant. It has only been few days since I lost someone extremely dear to the inevitable. Someone who was to stay for long….someone who was by all means deserving to be around for a very long while.. but who could not make it. It is only when we experience sudden losses and sudden changes in the ordinary, that we actually tend to sit back… breathe and look into things that really matter. The dream had me watch helplessly when people who were still alive and breathing were getting buried. I was frantically trying to make the ones around understand there is still life.. there is still hope.. all in vein.  Waking up to that feeling of helplessness was not really the best way to start a day with…but I could so get the reasons and thought processes, which led me to having such a dream. In that space between dream and reality, I did find myself all over again!

Quite often we are all so preoccupied in this race, that race which we don’t even know or realize whether we want to be a part of ; until one day we are left with no time or no tomorrows. We are always pushed in different directions by hundreds of conflicting impulses. I remember how when this year started my soul sister and I made this promise to each other. To give ourselves the love... the time… the space .. and the freedom that we truly deserve. That rare resolution which we made to ourselves .. to spend at least an hour every week away from everything and everyone.. just you and your thoughts… detached , has helped in ways big and small to rearrange the misplaced pieces and put them back just the way it should be .

‘Tamasha’ is one movie whose message resonated so well with me. This morning again, I happened to see the movie while randomly browsing channels and I decided to get back to this space without keeping it for another day. That moment when we realize that the ‘some day’ which we all keep talking about, is indeed ‘today’. ‘Tu koi aur he’ soulfully depicts the chaos..the identity crisis.. the life of denial.. the masked reality.. each one of us can  very well relate to.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0lql0pSSwQ

Just like someone wise once jotted down ““Life is not lost by dying; life is lost minute by minute, day by dragging day, in all the thousand small uncaring ways.” It is so true that we have to sometimes create and not just accept our destiny. Do not just exist through each day, because all moments we just fritter away are moments, which we will never get back. Whether those are moments with ourselves or with the ones who truly matter! So let me ask you this! What would you have done differently if you really appreciate the one priceless gift life is and if you really see the imminence of the inevitable?! Go for it today!

“Dwell on the beauty of life. Watch the stars, and see yourself running with them. The longest journey indeed is the journey inward”

PS : This post goes out to my positivity fairy, my rock , my brutally honest reflection, my Vaavamani !

Dying to be me….!!!!!

Title of the post owes its origin to the much acclaimed book by Anita Moorjani, one amazingly spectacular soul who has inspired me beyond words in the recent times... Her awe inspiring autobiographical book is by all means a source of self-enrichment, which will make you look at life in a whole new light!       

          

A year back… in the month of July…. I lost my grand dad to Alzheimer’s and old age. His passing away…left a void in our lives…a wound that is so deep and sore which time I feel has failed to heal. “You will get over it”- true that it’s always the clichés that cause the trouble.  For I believe the truth is, we never get over the ones we love. The void always remains for it is in the shape of the person you love; you would never want anyone else to fit into that space. When we lose someone, for whatever reasons; in the end reasons simply don’t count. Reasons and results- we end up living with the results.

Even before, in this space, I have spoken about losing people… to the inevitable…losing them to reality.. losing ourselves in the process of trying to keep others as a whole! But one amazing thing life has taught me is that we don’t really lose the ones we love. They live in us and we carry a part of them with us for the rest of our lives. Remember receiving this wonderful message from my soul sister whom I absolutely adore which read “One day, whether you are 14,28 or 65, you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find is that, they are not always with whom we spend our lives.” Can’t be truer!

And yes if you ask me.. yes, I do believe in destiny. Not just the kind we stumble upon in the monotony of a quiet life… but that destiny we sometimes have to create for ourselves. And I also believe that sometimes its good ‘not to let go’ because once destiny guides you to the one you need, its up to you to hold on amidst all odds. True that sometimes the wrong decisions or choices we make bring us to the right places and right people. Life, for me, is the most magnificent experience with regard to taking you totally by surprise every now and then.

It shows you happiness… freedom…love…laughter and all the wonderful emotions and before you know it, in the blink of an eye, takes it all away, leaves you devoid of them making you value and cherish all the goodness and positivity whenever you get your hands on it through your journey. It has always amazed me to know how each one of us finds that one person amongst a billion others, that one person who touches your soul and changes your life forever.

That one person who would make you feel stronger and weaker at the same time….both excited and terrified.. it just seems like you have reached the unreachable and you are ready for it. Once your life is touched by them….you completely forget how you spent all the years before they came along. For it is in their love,  you know from the very first day that the end of it is coming, still you want to hold on for a little longer so that it can hurt a little more.  It is a whole new world.. a whole new you.. and a whole new purpose of being!

Its for the second time am mentioning the same song in ‘serenity’ for a new post…could not find a more apt track for all the emotions making me hostile while am drafting it… ‘Aaj jaane ki zid na karo’ is an amazingly soulful melody which will give voice to the words that never got a chance to be spoken… that love which never was given a chance to grow.. but chose to stay.. even when people walked away…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnAVroHAwHE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-ju-nuG2oo

This also is the longest post I ever scribbled… cherishing all the the ‘first ever’ moments life abundantly blessed me with in the recent times.  When you have your moment of ‘serendipity’…. that moment when you accidentally stumble up on something or someone truly amazing… hold them close….tell them you love them….never let go…even if its few moments….days or weeks you have with them…. live it in its essence….give it all you have got....because at least in the end you will be happy you tried and you gave it your best….for this very moment is all we have got… live it to the fullest….never regret!

“Because maybe, in a way, we didn't leave it behind nearly as much as we might once have thought. Because somewhere underneath, a part of us stayed like that: fearful of the world around us, and no matter how much we despised ourselves for it--unable quite to let each other go.”

PS: This post goes out for my sunshine for rekindling my belief in love and all the better things, for reminding me of who I was, before the world told me who I should be! You are happiness every square inch and you are living in me!

Life…death…dreams…love…or the lack of it!!!!!

Title inspired from my favourite author Paulo Coelho’s ‘Adultery’, this post was so unexpected , so sudden and so long pending. I have always hated waiting... waiting for the right time…waiting for the right things …waiting for the right people and so on. We all wait… rather than stepping up and doing something about it...we all tend to wait. “The trouble is we think we have time.” This simple line Sri Buddha said has to be the most sensible thing I have heard in a long while. I haven’t visited this space in ages.. I kept pushing it for another day…always felt I can do it any time I want.. a better day..a better song..a better mood… but today..I decided to just write!

"Life changes fast… life changes in the instant...” Joan Didion’s words are simple yet intense...straight forward yet magically poetic and they can’t be truer. There are things that happen that change your views and perceptions about things and people. True that the most priceless things in this world are not ‘things’.I believe it’s very important to take a break….stop doing things that we do every day…and do something off the routine to surprise and delight ourselves. I have been staying away from the usual for some time now, and I spent this time catching up on some amazing movies I have missed watching in time. It was in fact  a catching up with myself  too… and two of them in particular did that rare thing of touching my soul.

‘Highway’ that gave a break to the actor in Alia Bhatt and the Malayalam movie ‘Varsham’ which made me believe once again in the treasure of a talent Sree Mammotty is. When highway talks about the unusual serene bond between Veera and Mahabir and how one journey turns out to be life changing for Veera, ‘Varsham’ portrays the relationship between a couple and their son and how they turn the biggest tragedy of their life into a tale of hope and life to many.

Life by all means looks like a story when we look behind. We deal with the most unexpected situations and people and they change the way we perceive life itself. Our losses, whatever they are…leave us deserted and shattered. When Veera had to face the agony of an abused childhood bringing her up and how she turns out Mahabir’s absence from life into something unbelievably fulfilling, Venugopal of ‘Varsham’ struggles to cop up with the sudden demise of his only son. It amazed me to see how beautifully these characters managed to rise from the ashes for a purpose much greater and much worthwhile.

We lose people to the inevitable… we lose them to reality…sometimes we just lose the person we believed someone was… the truth is …we simply lose! Reality is that thing which doesn't go away, when we stop believing in it. It is up to us how we want to deal with the loss. True that in the space between a ‘yes’ or ‘no’, there is a lifetime. It’s the difference between the path you walk and the one you leave behind; it’s the gap between who you thought you could be and who you really are. Our time is really limited. Let’s not waste it living someone else’s life. This is our one chance to be us. Let’s not be trapped by the dogma, which is living with the result of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the voice of other people’s opinions drown out your own inner voice. So very true! Let’s wake up and be fully alive to life!

Here’s sharing two soulful tracks that convey the depth and intensity of the bond between the people in those two brilliant movies.‘Sooha Saha’ from Highway and ‘Kari mukilukal’ from Varsham. Let the songs speak for themselves!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nzUmTp6apx8

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KFdWJiXy2CM

"If you lose hope, somehow you lose the vitality that keeps you moving, you lose that courage to be, that quality that helps you go on in spite of it all. And so today I still have a dream."

PS: This post goes out for the ones who have always chosen to 'stay' despite all the odds.. all the flaws.. all the distance . 

…Of self discovery.. self realization and some…!!!!!

“At the bottom of her heart, however, she was waiting for something to happen. Like shipwrecked sailors, she turned despairing eyes upon the solitude of her life, seeking afar off some white sail in the mists of the horizon. She did not know what this chance would be, what wind would bring it her, towards what shore it would drive her, if it would be a shallop or a three-decker, laden with anguish or full of bliss to the portholes. But each morning, as she awoke, she hoped it would come that day; she listened to every sound, sprang up with a start, wondered that it did not come; then at sunset, always more saddened, she longed for the morrow.”

― Gustave Flaubert, Madame Bovary

It has been a long phase of hibernation … a long break from giving words to thoughts.. a real long break where I kept myself away from something that always made me feel liberated..made me experience freedom.. and all such beautiful emotions.. somewhere in the monotony of a quiet life…I left a part of my soul behind..until today when I realized… I need to be… I need to get back.. not because I always created some magic through my scribbling here… not because it changed anything or anyone… but just because of the fact that… this space was always there… unchanged.. and that was indeed something!

All this while.. there was this emptiness.. this void.. that filled up mind .. and as hours slipped by and as I was spending more time with myself than ever before.. came this phase of self discovery and understanding of who I was.. have been… and who I want to be. The beginning para which is an extract from Gustave Flaubert’s much appreciated book ‘Madame Bovary’ kind of shook me up and awakened my soul. And yes here I am.. back to what I love doing the most…

There have been a handful of songs that have been on mind ever since I visited this space last.. there were umpteen drafts that were written and never saw light.. but this one song from the Malayalam movie ‘Kalimannu’ is that one track on mind right now.. one song that beautifully depicts the self discovery phase of a woman’s life. I have enjoyed every bit of the movie.. and the kind of strength and conviction a woman had to bear the child of her husband who was never to return to life..moved me beyond words.  How she found that one ray of hope amidst the ashes and how when no new sun rose in the horizon she brought her own sunshine …

To be the woman you are.. all what you have been.. and to be able to accept it as a whole.. never be ashamed of her desires..her dreams and her weaknesses..and her magical illusions.. to love life beyond and after ..and experience the fullness and meaning of womanhood.. the most beautiful part of being a woman.. bringing a life to this world.. that’s what ‘Meera’ taught me .. ‘ Kalimannu’ indeed is a celebration of motherhood … a bliss greater than any happiness.

‘ Salabham aayi’ is much more than a song.. it is indeed the journey of a woman’s life summed up in a soulful and amazing way. O N V Kurup Sir’s magic is visible in each word and this song is one track which created a lot of respect in me for the music composer that is Sri M. Jayachandran. Shreya is by all means God’s chosen one. Music is there in her very existence.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DgHHkiXu8vI

It happens so often in life we reach this phase of self discovery..of self realization and understanding of our purpose much more than ever before. When we muster the courage to stand up for what we feel is right.. and when we learn to lean upon self! I have always felt that love is the strongest of all emotions and the weakest of all too at times. We indeed lose ourselves in the things we love.. but we find ourselves there too. It can’t be more true. Even when the coldness of the night begins to engulf your soul and even when the flames have died down..  love has this thing in its soul, this fiery glow that leads us to unfamiliar lands.. of new dreams and of an unfamiliar existence.. scary and desirable at the same time..and not the smothering routine of an ordinary existence. The song unbelievably captures the very soul of the movie and conveys the purest form of passion and companionship.. and  manages to uplift my soul each time I listen to this..

I wish this strength for all the amazing souls who have changed life through ways big and small.. who have always believed and stood by .. who never listened to judge.. never listened to reply.. but to understand! No matter how hard the wind blows at times.. a clear day’s warmth will always bring you back to life! True that if one always looked at the skies, one would end up having wings. Flaubert, I have never been more convinced than this.


'' When she transformed into a butterfly, the caterpillars spoke not of her beauty, but of her weirdness. they wanted her to change back into what she had always been. But she had wings!''

PS: This post goes out for the ones who convinced me that I still have words left in me.. to share with the world. You all are magic in my life!

While you were sleeping...!

Title inspired from an article I happened to read in one of those weekend magazines in my desert city. Unlike the usual reads full of shallow materialism, this particular article spoke about Brianna, a nurse and Nate Lytle , a miracle survivor of a disastrous accident. How Brianna never guessed when she started her nursing shift that she would fall for a patient in coma…how she used to speak to Nate while he was unconscious and how she felt that one of a kind..strange connection with him… which happens only once in  a life time… when love gets eternal…

At a time when I was almost doubting the existence of anything ‘unconditional’ in this unforgiving world… God made me browse through the pages of that magazine..when yet again.. my beliefs about life..love..and the existence of that ‘someday’ when everything falls in place.. were rekindled. For that’s the way with life… the unique strange thing about it.. when we are almost on the verge of giving up.. life gives you something to hold on.. something to start living all over again. True that sometimes it’s better not to worry about not having someone by our side.. or to worry about not finding that unique kind of connect with anyone… instead… cherish each moment of being in love.. with life.. with all the good and bad it throws at you.. spend the rest of your life making memories.. happy..positive..serene ones...

Sometimes we all find love in the unlikeliest of circumstances.. when you start looking at life with a whole new perspective.. ‘Veyilaay oru naal’ from the Malayalam movie ‘Unnam’ is one such song which got to me when I had almost lost touch with my reflection…my blog. Didn’t want to wait till tomorrow to write about this track. Penned sacredly by Rafeeq Ahmed sir and given the soulful tune by Sri John P Varkey, ‘Veyilaay’ is a heavenly track which touched my soul…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qOYmqPTPbf8

Though I could not appreciate or relate to the way the song has been used in the movie,  I just could not look through the soul of the fabulous melody which beautifully captures the most unconditional form of the divine emotion. Again another realization that.. quite often things are not exactly the same as they appear…shallow turns out to be deep and what appears to be the most intense thing..turns out to be nothing but chaff. It’s unfortunate that just like the song.. many of us look through he abundance we have in our lives… just not content..always looking for something else.. when some where during the course of search.. we lose ourselves… when we eventually realize what we have left behind is what we needed the most… what we crushed under our feet is what gave meaning to our existence…

While the song begins to play one more time in my phone… I close my eyes and wish that at some stage ..we all find that priceless unconditional love Nate got from Brianna…  as for my part, I wish to be that dew that melts away after watering your much dried soul.. when it rains ..wish to be that ray of light which would make you warm and  then fade away… wish to be that prayer which will keep you safe.. just to be that silent breathe that follows you where ever you go living your life. In a world I can be anything…I wish to be myself…! Yes, there is dew in my desert..

‘Who wants to live forever.. I would rather live my memories with you and breathe my last…If you are cold at night..let the promise of my love for you..cover you warm..’

PS: Thank you 'achayan' for the song Mp3. Priceless gift

Life....a different take!!!!

Happened to watch this amazing movie ' Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara' and had quite a few moments of realisation as the movie was progressing. It was one such experience where you experience change as the situations in the movie change...Had to write about it... just could not stop myself from this post...like how one character in the movie says.. 'I hate regrets' too :)

I have often felt that life as it is the most taken for granted thing in this world... we always tend to take this beautiful irreplaceable gift that we have totally for granted..trying to chase a lot of things that are actually just not worth it...life indeed is what happens to you when you are trying to figure out ways of pulling through it..

Totally fell in love with this track..the very first time I heard it... its sad that I did miss out on a lot of songs like this in the break that I had in life.. a while ago... but again..like the good old saying goes... better late than never... :) 'Der lagi lekin' is a soothing melody which will hit your senses hard and make you experience a wide range of emotions as you listen to it..Shankar Mahadevan has made use of his magical voice to its best... this one song will definitely make you pause for a while and think ...about life as such..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jDZR-UcQXmQ#!

There comes a point in life when you learn to go with the flow...without getting lost... without falling down... when you start viewing things through a totally new perspective..it happens with you..it happens with me...when you know what 'living' actually means... when you stop complaining about those things which you don't have.. when you stop shedding tears that will never give you any answers...when you realise why some things are the way they are...when you know where you are going wrong...when you just embrace life just the way it is.. and accept everything in it gracefully... both the chaff and grain...life in its totality...

Its so true that many of us keep recycling our past and refuse to move on..we all need that one push to get going... to stop worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow and instead..take some time out to live our 'today' to its fullest potential..let's not rush through those moments to which we need to pay a lot of attention to..coz like they say..'in just two days..the tomorrow you are worried about..will be your yesterday'.. so..its time to let go... and make each day count...because we deserve a lot better :) some sadness..some sunshine..its all part of the game..treat every second like a new season..and let life go on with its tides...

"Dilon me tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho..to zinda ho tum..

Nazar me khwabon ki bijliyaan leke chal rahe ho..to zinda ho tum..

Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise aazaad rehna seekho..

Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron me behna seekho..

Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahen..

Har ek pal ek naya sama dekhe ye nigahen..

Jo apne aankhon me hairaniyaan leke chal rahe ho..to zinda ho tum..

Dilon me tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho..to zinda ho tum.. "

"It is my life..it is my one time to be me...I want to experience every single thing in it..give it all I have got...love it with a passion.. because life truly does give back..many times over... what you put into it..."

Old wine, but a much more perfect bottle!!

No intentions to confuse with that ‘off the track’ title… am just talking about the new version of ‘Khamaj’ by Shafqat I happened to hear recently.. was breathing ‘Fuzon’ all this while ever since I heard them first.. my kid bro.. ‘Vaava’ sent me this link recently saying “I know its your fav and I knew you would love this. My wedding gift for u…” I loved the new version then and there…just hopelessly fell in love with the song and my life all over again… and am feeling fab.. (Thanks a zillion vaave…you are the best brother anyone can ever have.. thanks for being there through ways big and small..stay blessed )



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9jLoPvdYV4E&feature

‘Mora Saiyyan’ is an unbelievably soul stirring fab composition and Shafqat is a divine talent.. I so wish once before I get done with my time here.. once to hear him live.. I deeply miss him being a part of ‘Fuzon’ but yes change is the only thing that is constant as they say. But as we go on with the change… we still perceive the same old things differently.. the same old magnifying lens that views other people’s perspectives.. the very soulful song minus the equally intense BGM..this was such a fantabulous surprise…could not help but write about it… it was just too good to be taken lightly : ) It is true that ‘Music and silence combine so well.. coz music is done with silence and silence is so full of music..’

I am in love with this brand new version..this new version of love.. this new version of life..this new version that amazingly depicts the pain of longing.. Sometimes it is good to fit yourself into the much needed ‘you’ as I have always felt ‘ I seldom end up where I wanted to go, but I almost always end up where I need to be.. ”But at the end of it all I too have realized that “Now I know exactly where I am going and I just don’t want to go anywhere else.” this certainty of life is something everyone long for.. once you attain that you get to understand the trivialities of many other things which you once felt were the end of the world.. nothing in life happens by chance.. you reach where you are meant to be.. and again..it will all be worth the wait : )

Music gives you that high at times.. When we long for a million things.. long to be with someone..long to make our dreams real.. long to love..live..and be content.. this one song for sure will take you places..pull you out of the insensitivities of the ‘practical’ world and make you dive deep into the sea of emotions.. that is ‘Khamaj’ for you.. stunningly brilliant…soothing and soul stirring as ever.. Life emerges yet again..how much ever frozen your soul might get at times :)

"Everything has its wonders, even darkness and silence.. and I learn, whatever state I may be in, there in to be content.."

Life’s virtuous circle!!!!!

Some things are unreal to the core.. and some people too.. They are too good to believe that they actually exist. Was thinking about Paulo Coelho’s ‘Alchemist ‘ ..one of the very very very few books I have read. Certain situations are like what the author details in his Santiago’s journey(the protagonist). You go around looking for that fortune everywhere else but your home and come back to realize that you have the thing you were looking for right there …from where you started.. By the end of the novel, he discovers that "treasure lies where your heart belongs", and that the treasure was the journey itself, the discoveries he made, and the wisdom he acquired.

Life goes in circles at times, and the journey gets quite interesting. Second time when you cross the path already trodden you tend to notice more, pay more attention to detail and ask yourself ..”Why didn’t I realize this was there then??” But the truth is it has always been there, just that we didn’t notice..

Some things and people whom you never gave enough attention to.. whom you took for granted…such realities start flashing in front of your eyes..People whom you knew came with the package.. Some real close ones and some very special some ones whom you were not paying the attention they deserved. Again I would like those special ones to know that it was just because they have become a comfortable trusted element in life and you know they are there no matter what..in ways big and small!

This one song goes out for all those real thoughtful ones.. ‘Life in a metro’ was one movie that was amazing. Pritam as a composer reemphasized his presence in my favourites list with ‘In Dino’...one song that will stay for another hundred years with its, meaningful lyrics and soul stirring rhythm.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aQ52IJjbNg4

“Do not spoil what you have by desiring what you have not; remember that what you now have was once among the things you only hoped for..” One of the wonderful lessons life teaches us. I have always felt that one of the best things about dreams is that fleeting moment, when you are between the stage of asleep and awake, when you don't know the difference between reality and fantasy, when for just that one moment you feel with your entire soul that the dream is reality, and it really happened. You wake up and realize it was just a dream. But I would say we need to follow our dreams. It is never too late to dream a new dream!

“Watching you walk out of my life does not make me bitter or cynical about the beautiful thing called love.. But rather makes me realize that if I wanted so much to be with the wrong person how beautiful it will be when the right one comes along. Then, I’ll do my dreaming with my eyes wide open, and I'll do my looking back with my eyes closed”