Dying to be me….!!!!!

Title of the post owes its origin to the much acclaimed book by Anita Moorjani, one amazingly spectacular soul who has inspired me beyond words in the recent times... Her awe inspiring autobiographical book is by all means a source of self-enrichment, which will make you look at life in a whole new light!       

          

A year back… in the month of July…. I lost my grand dad to Alzheimer’s and old age. His passing away…left a void in our lives…a wound that is so deep and sore which time I feel has failed to heal. “You will get over it”- true that it’s always the clichés that cause the trouble.  For I believe the truth is, we never get over the ones we love. The void always remains for it is in the shape of the person you love; you would never want anyone else to fit into that space. When we lose someone, for whatever reasons; in the end reasons simply don’t count. Reasons and results- we end up living with the results.

Even before, in this space, I have spoken about losing people… to the inevitable…losing them to reality.. losing ourselves in the process of trying to keep others as a whole! But one amazing thing life has taught me is that we don’t really lose the ones we love. They live in us and we carry a part of them with us for the rest of our lives. Remember receiving this wonderful message from my soul sister whom I absolutely adore which read “One day, whether you are 14,28 or 65, you will stumble upon someone who will start a fire in you that cannot die. However, the saddest, most awful truth you will ever come to find is that, they are not always with whom we spend our lives.” Can’t be truer!

And yes if you ask me.. yes, I do believe in destiny. Not just the kind we stumble upon in the monotony of a quiet life… but that destiny we sometimes have to create for ourselves. And I also believe that sometimes its good ‘not to let go’ because once destiny guides you to the one you need, its up to you to hold on amidst all odds. True that sometimes the wrong decisions or choices we make bring us to the right places and right people. Life, for me, is the most magnificent experience with regard to taking you totally by surprise every now and then.

It shows you happiness… freedom…love…laughter and all the wonderful emotions and before you know it, in the blink of an eye, takes it all away, leaves you devoid of them making you value and cherish all the goodness and positivity whenever you get your hands on it through your journey. It has always amazed me to know how each one of us finds that one person amongst a billion others, that one person who touches your soul and changes your life forever.

That one person who would make you feel stronger and weaker at the same time….both excited and terrified.. it just seems like you have reached the unreachable and you are ready for it. Once your life is touched by them….you completely forget how you spent all the years before they came along. For it is in their love,  you know from the very first day that the end of it is coming, still you want to hold on for a little longer so that it can hurt a little more.  It is a whole new world.. a whole new you.. and a whole new purpose of being!

Its for the second time am mentioning the same song in ‘serenity’ for a new post…could not find a more apt track for all the emotions making me hostile while am drafting it… ‘Aaj jaane ki zid na karo’ is an amazingly soulful melody which will give voice to the words that never got a chance to be spoken… that love which never was given a chance to grow.. but chose to stay.. even when people walked away…

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LnAVroHAwHE

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h-ju-nuG2oo

This also is the longest post I ever scribbled… cherishing all the the ‘first ever’ moments life abundantly blessed me with in the recent times.  When you have your moment of ‘serendipity’…. that moment when you accidentally stumble up on something or someone truly amazing… hold them close….tell them you love them….never let go…even if its few moments….days or weeks you have with them…. live it in its essence….give it all you have got....because at least in the end you will be happy you tried and you gave it your best….for this very moment is all we have got… live it to the fullest….never regret!

“Because maybe, in a way, we didn't leave it behind nearly as much as we might once have thought. Because somewhere underneath, a part of us stayed like that: fearful of the world around us, and no matter how much we despised ourselves for it--unable quite to let each other go.”

PS: This post goes out for my sunshine for rekindling my belief in love and all the better things, for reminding me of who I was, before the world told me who I should be! You are happiness every square inch and you are living in me!