Being a mother....!!!!

2011 indeed was one memorable year.. unique in a million ways…a year when I was welcomed into the world of motherhood… a year that saw many people walking in and out of life… a year of some realizations.. some good..some bad…some bitter… a year when I actually saw my soul icon of music ARR… a year which changed the impulsive scorpion in me to a subtle accommodating soul… zillion thanks the wonderful days and hours spent in my make believe world…thanks to my shooting star who fell in to my life as a blessing…you are indeed God sent!

As days pass by we all have this realisation of who is with us and who is not.. who means what they say and who doesn’t … but when you are a mother you never cant have the word ‘hate’ in your world…Like they say… “I have found the paradox…when you love until it hurts..there can’t be more hurt..but only more love…”It is true that once you become a mother ..your judgement slowly turns into compassion and understanding…it relaxes you and you eventually learn to deal with crisis situations that might come along the course of life…Osho once said “The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new..”cant be more true.

When I first watched this amazing movie from 80’s my understanding of the central character played brilliantly by this amazing actor was not so deep… but now.. as years have passed by and when life has given me a part of my soul in the shape of my lil one… I know I understand her a lot better… I can relate and empathize with what she feels… and what she yearns for in life… this fabulous Malayalam movie from the golden era..”Onnu muthal poojyam vare” was just amazingly brilliant not just because of its unbelievale script and screenpaly..but also because of this evergreen lullaby rendered mesmerisingly by K S Chithra and G Venugopal… am so glad Chithra chechi is back… back to the world of music after a hiatus… missed her terribly and it feels fabulous to see her fight back to the hard knocks of life…“Raari raareeram” indeed played a pivotal rold in establishing Mohan Sithara’s career as a musician and it did take him to those unknown heights of glory where everyone just admired the talent in him…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iNgl7aakwQU

Sometimes being alone gets you to a point where you are no fun anymore… when you keep trying too hard to be all that your child wants you to be… It is true that at times we truly realise we are all so alone.. its just that the love we carry in our soul creates an illusion of not being alone for few moments..when you start yearning for that gentle breeze to touch your soul..that belongs only to you.. when you start looking for your safest corner in this otherwise insensitive world…it's often just enough to be with someone. You don't need to touch them. Not even talk. A feeling passes between you both. You're not alone anymore… this song and movie has so well captured these emotions where the absence of someone in life keeps coming back to your thoughts no matter how much hard you try… “Loneliness indeed is never more cruel than when it is felt in close propinquity with someone who has ceased to communicate”…Germain Greer is right…

Sometimes starting over becomes far more difficult than starting from scratch…a happy ending not always means ending up with the one you love..may be its just you..you on your own…picking up those bits and pieces..and starting over once again…. As another year fades away… I just wish that everyone out there get what they genuinely wish for..and what they truly deserve… let your serene divine love create that magical illusion of not being alone in your lives for now and for all the years to come….

“'You'll get over it...' It's the clichés that cause the trouble. To lose someone you love is to alter your life for ever. You don't get over it because 'it' is the person you loved. The pain stops, there are new people, but the gap never closes. How could it? The particularness of someone who mattered enough to grieve over is not erased by anyone but death. This hole in my heart is in the shape of you and no one else can fit. Why would I want them to?”

Desert rain...!!!!!

Winter in this desert city is definitely having its effect on me… right now …looking outside my window pane , watching the dark clouds ready to pour out those life giving drops of rain any second… got reminded of this unbelievable composition by ARR, rendered brilliantly by Sadhana Sargam… ‘Naina neer bahaye’ … from the well acclaimed movie.. ‘Water’ . Can relate completely to Tagore’s mood when he penned “Clouds come floating into my life…no longer to carry rain or usher storm, but to add colour to my sunset sky…”

Love! That beautiful magnificient emotion that we can try to define time and again… and every time come up with a whole new perspective…the sense of belonging…the undenyable sense of longing that comes along with it….there is never a state like..I have enough of love in my life…we always long for a little more of it…perhaps the only thing in this world everyone would be greedy of…I feel we all learn to love not when you find out what makes the other person laugh.. but when you find out what makes the one you love shed a tear…

The sight of rain… always makes me experience a whole lot of emotions.. helps me cleanse out a lot of stain and scars that I carry along most often…when mind and soul undergoes ‘C’atharsis…emotional cleansing like they say… love is one such divine emotion that oozes out life into the earlier drained out lifeless soul…that one emotion which has you and me mystified forever…

This track amazingly captures the intensity of pain that love quite often brings along..Like the poet who said “Let your tears come..let them water your soul…”Life throws in a lot of surprises .. it is when you feel that now on..am going to be in a particular way that a sudden change of season happens..making you fall in and out of love every now and then..when you cling on to that one ray of hope and breathe life..Many a time it happens that your tears fall endlessly for a person who never really was yours.. when you miss someone whom you were never really with..still you love..hopelessly..unconditionally…with all your heart..and let your silence do all the talking…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qwU0PuFIUP8

‘Naina neer bahaye’ is one haunting melody which will make you experience the pain of seperation.. this mighty impressive track will make you yearn for that bit more of love.. make you long for someone… and live on..

“When love beckons to you, follow him,Though his ways are hard and steep…And when his wings enfold you yield to him..Though the sword hidden among his pinions may wound you…And when he speaks to you believe in him.. To know the pain of too much tenderness…To be wounded by your own understanding of love;And to bleed willingly and joyfully…To wake at dawn with a winged heart and give thanks for another day of loving”

PS : This post goes out for the one who poured that divine love into my life…

Life....a different take!!!!

Happened to watch this amazing movie ' Zindagi Na Milegi Dobara' and had quite a few moments of realisation as the movie was progressing. It was one such experience where you experience change as the situations in the movie change...Had to write about it... just could not stop myself from this post...like how one character in the movie says.. 'I hate regrets' too :)

I have often felt that life as it is the most taken for granted thing in this world... we always tend to take this beautiful irreplaceable gift that we have totally for granted..trying to chase a lot of things that are actually just not worth it...life indeed is what happens to you when you are trying to figure out ways of pulling through it..

Totally fell in love with this track..the very first time I heard it... its sad that I did miss out on a lot of songs like this in the break that I had in life.. a while ago... but again..like the good old saying goes... better late than never... :) 'Der lagi lekin' is a soothing melody which will hit your senses hard and make you experience a wide range of emotions as you listen to it..Shankar Mahadevan has made use of his magical voice to its best... this one song will definitely make you pause for a while and think ...about life as such..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=jDZR-UcQXmQ#!

There comes a point in life when you learn to go with the flow...without getting lost... without falling down... when you start viewing things through a totally new perspective..it happens with you..it happens with me...when you know what 'living' actually means... when you stop complaining about those things which you don't have.. when you stop shedding tears that will never give you any answers...when you realise why some things are the way they are...when you know where you are going wrong...when you just embrace life just the way it is.. and accept everything in it gracefully... both the chaff and grain...life in its totality...

Its so true that many of us keep recycling our past and refuse to move on..we all need that one push to get going... to stop worrying about what is going to happen tomorrow and instead..take some time out to live our 'today' to its fullest potential..let's not rush through those moments to which we need to pay a lot of attention to..coz like they say..'in just two days..the tomorrow you are worried about..will be your yesterday'.. so..its time to let go... and make each day count...because we deserve a lot better :) some sadness..some sunshine..its all part of the game..treat every second like a new season..and let life go on with its tides...

"Dilon me tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho..to zinda ho tum..

Nazar me khwabon ki bijliyaan leke chal rahe ho..to zinda ho tum..

Hawa ke jhokon ke jaise aazaad rehna seekho..

Tum ek dariya ke jaise lehron me behna seekho..

Har ek lamhe se tum milo khole apni baahen..

Har ek pal ek naya sama dekhe ye nigahen..

Jo apne aankhon me hairaniyaan leke chal rahe ho..to zinda ho tum..

Dilon me tum apni betaabiyaan leke chal rahe ho..to zinda ho tum.. "

"It is my life..it is my one time to be me...I want to experience every single thing in it..give it all I have got...love it with a passion.. because life truly does give back..many times over... what you put into it..."

Serene shades of love..!!!!!

I have always been fond of writing letters… long and small..letters of all kinds used to amuse me.. brighten up my days… used to insist to my people that they write to me… even if a small post card. I feel a handwritten note makes a lot of difference…its much more personal…direct.. and so close to life.. Someone so well said it “What a lot we lost when we stopped writing letters. You can't reread a phone call.”

Watched this movie ‘Welcome to Sajjanpur’ just for my love of letters… to see the protagonist who writes letters and lives his dreams through them… The magical track’ Ek meetha marz dene’ caught my attention the very first time I listened to it. Its been a while and I had almost forgotten about it…(Thanks to my red bull for the timely reminder about this and a lot of other things )

The song magically captures the purest form of love… love that is so divine..serene…and magical… where you love unconditionally… where you have the willingness to lose yourself in love expecting nothing in return..… you just let your mind wander in the lows and highs of the fabulous emotion with no tags attached… when you know it is not always ‘and they lived happily ever after’ and yet let love make its way into your soul..this track reminds me time and again… simple things are most often the most beautiful things…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sRG1lQFKahc

Sometimes you love a person not only for what they are..but also for what you become loving them.. when you discover the best part of you in the other..Like the saying goes "Within you I lose myself. Without you I find myself wanting to become lost again." I admire the serene assurance love brings along with it always..

Can’t agree more to the poet who said“Have patience with everything that remains unsolved in your heart. Try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books written in a foreign language. Do not now look for the answers. They cannot now be given to you because you could not live them. It is a question of experiencing everything. At present you need to live the question. Perhaps you will gradually, without even noticing it, find yourself experiencing the answer, some distant day…”

“I believe that unarmed truth and unconditional love will have the final word in reality…and groundless hope ..like unconditional love..is the only thing worth having…”

Sometimes you wish..you could...!!!!!

Sometimes in life you just start wishing ‘if at all I could…’be it be going back and correcting few mess ups… or bringing back the ones whom inevitable took away from us… or changing few things you had decided earlier..or just be with someone whom you were always longing to be with for the rest of your life…I hate mush..but yes life takes its twists and turns making you fall in and out of love…of all kinds…

Have been hooked on to this one song from the movie’Lamhaa’ like crazy. One amazing composition with fabulous lyrics so close to life… intense… soulful..and deep…. That’s the song ‘Madhno’ for you!it penetrates straight through your heart and touches your soul like a gentle breeze .. a careless whisper…Kshitij and Chinmayi have rendered the song so beautifully..it is one fab experience you would not want to miss out on…

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tauxc47--Xo&feature=player_embedded#at=337

It happens quite often that you believe something to be ‘love’ and then feel lost one day.. when love actually makes its entry..it is true that only when you are lost can love find itself in you without losing its way..someone so well said it. It happens many a time that life showers you with all the things that you have always longed for… and you are not in a state to accept it with arms wide open… some things and people happen to you late..its when you let go…. Again I believe we can’t lose anything that we never can have….yet again..its a beautiful feeling to love unconditionally without having any expectations..you just love..and don’t care about the rest…when u let love have no fixed returns…

That’s when in the middle of an ordinary life… love starts giving you a fairy tale..like someone once told me… you can go on wishing…anything that you long for… but at the end of it all get back to reality and start living it for others…sometimes we refuse to accept that things would have been better otherwise… but we can be either happy that it happened or upset that why it happened so late… but being in love itself is utmost fulfillment..you feel complete..just the way you have always wanted to be..The song beautifully captures these emotions…

We are all prisoners in the glass house of dreams… of time.. of the moments that passed by..where you cannot travel back and change a few things..may be its not meant to be..but the very thought that it could have happened makes you content.. just knowing that you have something and someone to look forward to..whenever life gives you hard knocks… when ever reality bites..literally..its ok to believe when someone tells you that ‘I can bring the horizon for you..’..its totally fine to start believing in rebirths.. its ok to wish to be a shadow that never leaves..coz its all about love..and for those who believe no proof is needed… How I wish I could… ?!

“I don’t pretend to know what love is for everyone..but I can tell you what it is for me..just so you know..there is a space in my soul only you can fill..just so you know.. I loved you then.. I guess I always will…”

Shooting stars…!!!!

As a child I have always believed in the magic of shooting stars… that if you make a wish when it falls it will come true… through out my growing up years and even today I secretly believe in that …and sometimes wish to be like a shooting star.. Like the poet who said.. “I see myself as a huge fiery comet, a shooting star. Everyone stops, points up and gasps "Oh look at that!" Then- whoosh, and I'm gone...and they'll never see anything like it ever again... and they won't be able to forget me ever.”

It happens some times that you feel deserted of all your hopes and dreams… you feel deprived of a gentle touch.. a soothing word that will set things alright…!!Loneliness then starts to cast a shadow in your life like an empty sky at night.. Sometimes things change and they are never the same again…all of a sudden you feel like a kid who has lost its way…that is the way with life..life moves on..change indeed is the only thing that is constant…

That is when you begin to long for that one star of hope somewhere in the corner… that one ray of hope which will make you start believing in your dreams once again..Where you start collecting those bits and pieces of your dreams and start living yet again…. Life then looks like a fairy tale…no matter how gloomy the day might be..you still find fresh blossoms all around..no matter how lost you feel..you still feel secure that someone is going to show you the way…no matter how low you feel..you just know that someone is going to life up your spirits…by just being there…

‘Iktara’ from the movie’ Wake up Sid’ has been a favourite like forever… the song beautifully captures the emotion where you realize the presence of that one star of hope in your life… which makes you move on.. and achieve that what you dream of..Kavitha Seth’s voice is magical…Amit Trivedi is a fabulous musician who has always brought along with him tons of surprises..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dyauNfiMh7E

Jim Morrison, an American poet once said“That's what real love amounts to- letting a person be what he really is. Most people love you for who you pretend to be. To keep their love, you keep pretending- performing. You get to love your pretence. It's true, we're locked in an image, an act-” “People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. Pain is meant to wake us up. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It's all in how you carry it. That's what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you're letting the world destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to be yourself.” The song makes you realize this fact..Let’s all long for that one star of hope in our lives..let’s not stop believing in ourselves…let’s not give up..

PS: This post is dedicated to my shooting star who fell in my life as a surprise..the one who has promised to be my red bull for life :)

“For my part I know nothing with any certainty, but the sight of the stars makes me dream.”

Life..love...and such ...!!!!

Some genres of music straight away penetrate your heart and touch your soul... Sufi is one such amazing genre that will make you wander in the highs and lows of the tunes and haunt you through days and nights...Rekha Bhardwaj, the stunningly brilliant singer with an unique voice has so well captured the haunting melancholy of Sufi music in her song 'Tere Ishq mein'

This one song has been there for years now and still feels so fresh and alive..I feel it is mainly coz of the beautiful emotion that it has captured so fabulously ...!The entire listening experience is so mesmerizing..

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vh79HzXqplo

'Love' is that one thing which we can try to define forever and find a new meaning every time you try.. the shades of emotions that it is comprised of are much more than words can ever say...there is always a touch of yearning..you feel incomplete in the absence of the other..Someone once beautifully coined.."Fence me in...the world is too big out there and I don't like it without you.."'Tere Ishq mein' will make you experience love of all kinds... love where you want to lose yourself coz of separation.. the kind of separation the 'inevitable' brings in... the loneliness that gulps you down slowly in someone's absence.... the longing..the sense of belonging and such!!

I have always believed that 'You never leave someone behind...you always take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind..'To long for something..it is an amazing feeling..you can never get enough of it... He who said it was so right..."I didn't ask for it to be over..for again I never asked for it to begin..and yes that is way it is with life...as some of the most beautiful days come completely by chance and even the most beautiful days eventually have their sunsets..."

Watching someone walk out of life should never make us cynical..."If the people we love are stolen from us , the way to have them live on is to never stop loving them.."

"You can shed tears that someone is gone..

or you can smile because they lived..

Your heart can be empty coz you can't see that someone..

or you can be full of the love you shared..

You can cry and close your mind..

be empty and turn your back..

or you can do what they would want..

smile..open your eyes..love..and go on..!!!!